Mercutio2000

Movie Review: Voyage of the Dawn Treader

2011-01-28T10:19:00.023-06:00

Well, folks, after a long hiatus, I'm back. I figure it's time to review some more movies. I have been viewing many TV shows and fewer movies as the years progress. My budget requires mostly Redbox movies or streaming on Netflix. I have a few reviews in mind and will be reviewing TV shows but reviewing them in a somewhat different fashion. Let's get to the Christmas released movie Voyage of the Dawn Treader.

Voyage is the third book in the series by CS Lewis. It is one of the most beloved and also one of the most difficult books to translate into movie form. More details to come later. The first movie, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, was excellent - an almost perfect adaptation of the book with a little extra flair added in. Most changes worked, though some made no sense given the Narnia fantasy world. I reviewed the second movie on this blog, so please read it at this link: Prince Caspian. In an unusual twist, I found Caspian's changes from the book were more thematically and internally consistent than the book. I'm not sure how that happened, but the movie was the more compelling piece of fiction.

Gains: +5
Eustus amazed me, from the actor selection (Will Poulter) to the acting itself. Of all the characters, Eustus brought more to the movie than the rest. As usual, Georgie Henley (Lucy) and Skandar Keynes (Edmund) gave good performances.

The movie tried to teach some values - fighting temptation, being who you are, heroism, selflessness, faith. Good for them. These are rare qualities found in movies these days.

The scenery of water-based movies carries significant difficulties. Voyage handled the sailing ship activities seamlessly. Also the sets, animation, and costuming were pretty cool.

Losses: -4
Plot, plot, plot, plot, plot. Oh, and internal consistency and mixing realism into your fantasy. But I get ahead of myself.

First of all, let's deal with the easy part that requires many words to explain. Shots frame the movie and form a line or a series of lines connecting characters to scenes and the plot and the environment. Framing shots correctly and putting them into movies in the correct order gives the audience an idea of how and why one character was in one place and got to another place. For instance, you don't need to show the audience my entire trip home. You can take things out, but if you take out too much, you lose your linear consistency. Showing the entire car ride is not necessary. Conversely, if you show me sitting at my work desk, then the next shot shows me sitting at my home computer desk, you have lost the audience. How did I get there? Why did the camera shot change? There is no transition. Sometimes you can convey this change with words or with short shots of me grabbing my coat on my way out, then showing me entering my house and sitting down. Etc. Etc. You have a myriad of options, but the point is that you have to show the audience what and why and how in some form.

In Voyage, for instance, how did Eustus get into the water after meeting Aslan and putting the sword on the other swords? All of a sudden, "Hey, guys, there's Eustus, in the water next to the ship." I counted 3 such instance in a single viewing. I'm not a professional, so when I think I could do a better job, the videography has gone terribly wrong.

Plot, plot, plot. I knew heading into Voyage that the plot of the book was fascinating but would have trouble being translated to modern audiences on modern film. When faced with this problem, producers and writers can either change the script or stay true. I believe staying true to the book is most often correct. Prince Caspian proved to me that changes can benefit a movie, so I had hope for this movie. I got suckered.

When a book has a loose plot like find 7 lords (and visit weird islands) and no over-arching plot with a big battle at the end for conclusion, then you must change the paradigm. Only one story element connected each of the islands - sailing on the Dawn Treader. So the story absolutely needed to have a little bit of Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003) in it. We needed to live and breathe the ocean life, with mini-adventures on the islands.

I knew something was going wrong right away. The first island is cool in the book. It is not wildly fantastical like the other islands, but the slave trade has taken over and corruption rules the populace. The option in the book was to return with soldiers to siege the city or to bluff that the Dawn Treader was just the negotiating wing of a larger army. That's the book. They bluff and win. That's so cool. In the movie, they fight, but it's like an 11 v. 11 football match. It should be 1 whole city versus 1 tiny ship. The fantasy movie instantly became disjointed from its own internal reality. In fantasy/sci-fi movies, connection to reality is paramount. Only specific laws of nature can be broken, and only if they are explained. If too many situations become ridiculous - if the simple math of us vs. them doesn't add up - people's brains register the unreality and the movie fails to create suspension. It loses the audience.

So what can bring the audience back into the movie? Character! This movie needed to be a character piece as well. It tried, but it missed on so many levels. Caspian, Edmund, and Lucy were all flat, 2D characters. Eustus was the only character that could grow in the story. The other characters seemed to be rehashing book 1 and 2 problems. Wait, was that the White Witch again? Edmund had already shown in Prince Caspian that he could resist her, so why is she back?

So the sea serpent, instead of just being a monster, is temptation incarnate and has grown it's own dark island and requires a tithe of sacrifices from nearby islands for some never-explained purpose. Somehow it controls green smoke that does something - not explained. Those sacrificed people all survived in the end, but were adrift at sea in their small row boats with only the Dawn Treader to ferry them home. But there were almost twice as many people as there were crew on the ship. The ship seemed small and cramped already. Food and water are huge sailing issues, but the movie never addresses these basic sailing aspects and the need for harsh discipline in the harsh conditions of olden-day sailing. Anyway, rambling.

Then they had something about swords that were connected to Peter's old sword that glowed blue so Edmund could stab the sea serpent, though we never saw him attempt to kill it before the sword turned blue. For some reason the swords were a critical element to killing the sea serpent. But if so, then why did the original 7 lords separate and take their swords with them. Was there a prophecy about the sea serpent and the swords? How did they know about getting the swords to the table if they didn't know about the green smoke in advance of setting sail? If the green smoke can make rowboats ships disappear, why didn't it make the Dawn Treader disappear? Were those rowboats in stasis? The people all survived. If not in stasis, how did they eat? What water did they drink? I could go on and on.

Basically, the story unraveled. Once the writers decide they don't have to explain things, then they can do anything they want - at the cost of the plot and the audience's patience.

As bad as these issues were, I'm only taking 1 point away for inconsistent plot, 1 more for lax videography storytelling, and a 3rd point for not explaining anything. I'm taking a 4th point, plus their union membership cards, for changing the book. If you cannot make interesting movie adaptations when changing the book plot, then don't change the book plot. I'd rather have the boring old book in movie form, than a boring new story that mangles the book.

Final Judgment: +1

It's not as bad as some morally and ethically defunct films. In the end this matters more than filmography, plot, or even monetary success. Still, the movie made so little sense that I couldn't bear to sit through it again.

Most Awesomely Sad Song Ever

2010-11-02T16:16:00.004-05:00

In Dr. Who, a show I enjoy, there is a conversation between two people:

K: What did you come here for anyway?
S: I love old things. They make me feel sad.
K: What's good about sad?
S: It's happy for deep people.

I love that quote because it helps me feel okay about being sad sometimes. In the realm of sadness is the very powerful song Snuff by Slipknot. I'm not usually a Slipknot fan, but this song radiates depth in sadness. Here's the song with lyrics and no pictures.

I find psychological catharis in depressing songs - makes me feel that my fate isn't quite as down as I sometimes think it is. I have too many cheerful things in my life that when I hear a song like this, my mind grasps harder onto what I'm thankful for.

Now to breakdown the song - most of you can do the basic lifting for yourselves. What strikes me is the lack of mercy, compassion, and any kind of forgiveness. He has experienced so much rejection that he reached a breaking point where he just wants to walk away. The song isn't only sad but hopeless - which is much worse than sadness from loss or emptyness.

Hopelessness is the natural response when there are no answers but only emptiness. It is the lack of emotion or connection. Having studied hopelessness from the inside, I realized something. Servanthood is the primary act of restitution.

For me, Acts of Service is the love language (of the 5) that I understand and value the least. But this revelation has increased the value of this love language in my eyes, but only situationally. When the others have been misused and distrust has grown, Acts of Service can finally play a powerful role. It may be the greatest love language, because it speaks of help with no call for reciprocation or payment. Who can argue with the behavior of someone who self-humbles to the point of service? Certainly not me.

Mecum Omnes Plangite

2010-10-13T14:24:00.004-05:00

Hello, old bloggites of mine,

We have Trans Siberian Orchestra tickets. Once again we will get to hear O Fortuna live in concert. Lyrics here. See the last line for title translation.

This will be my third time seeing them - my second time here in town! We are taking several family members for their first time - our Christmas present to them. I can't think of a better gift, honestly. Hopefully they will enjoy the rock show.

Best concert ever. Poor Charlotte will have to wait until she's older.

My second college degree

2010-07-15T14:32:00.003-05:00

It's accomplished! I had a goal of getting a second bachelor's degree, and so I have done.

My side quest was to receive straight A's. I received 15 A's and 1 A-minus (in Copy Editing of all things, but I had good reasons for slipping a little).

I also bought the student version of the entire Adobe collection of programs, many of which I now have some experience on - all of which I need more experience on. I want to be a jack of all design trades, given the fact that I'm very good at most things in life but great at none of them.

I have decided not to touch the programs, though, until I have time to properly welcome in the newborn in my life. I'm considering this time to be both my vacation with absolutely no homework allowed, while also catching up on things like the yard, washing the dogs, reading some informational books about liz...I mean, babies, some movies, friends I have barely seen, play testing the game I built, projects at work that I now have more brain room for, and basically just lining up all my ducks before the arrival of the tiny loaf that's currently in my wife's oven.

Homework is a terrible drain. I understand the need for summer vacations now. It's not particularly hard all the time, but the constant nagging thoughts of having some big deadlines coming up and the pressure to succeed with every single assignment is quite draining.

Still, I succeeded at school. I survived the homework. Soon I get to press the world to find a better place in it. I like my job, but I need more money.

So, the scholastic break is over. Time to tackle full parenthood and the world wide workplace options.

Couplet

2010-06-21T12:56:00.002-05:00

I don't have much to say about having a baby yet. Can't figure out if I'm a father now or when I have one in hand. Anyway, getting started with some writing a smidge early. Enjoy.

Little woman, petite and feminine,
like an angel, bringer of good news.

My board game

2010-06-15T15:14:00.002-05:00

As I mentioned in my last post, starting in the middle months of my school program, my creative brainwaves were struggling with the lack of creativity. I have a steady creative streak in me that I need an outlet for.

The interesting timing of this particular creative streak is that I was praying for a way to make more money, because I need to support my family. Within the next few weeks, I was consummed by ideas for this game. This strikes a chord in me from a sermon I heard a couple years ago. The sermon spoke about God filling our brains with money-making ideas when we ask Him for help. We just have to follow through. I haven't made a dime on this yet, but I'm putting this out there now - I think this idea is a God thing. I'll be crushed if it's not. When building/thinking about my game, I feel a sensation that comes most often when the Holy Spirit is actively working in my brain.

Anyway, the game is fun. Really fun. I'm not going into game-specific details here, but it has potential to be a big hit in the market, if there's still a market for board games. I just have to find the right company to work with.

I pulled some rules together, then made some horrible game pieces and a rough board. Let me talk about a few things: the board, the pieces, the game design, the play testing.

The board was a seed of an idea I planted into Microsoft Publisher, which grew into a mighty solid foundation. The idea led to a design that led to further ideas. I had the idea for hexagonal spaces that would lend to more board movement ease. Then I just started copying and pasting these spaces together. They began to form a board. The shape they formed was brilliant, and the spacing allowed me to create further design elements. I'm being purposefully vague here. Hopefully, I'll be able to say more later, or hopefully, you can just buy the game.

The pieces started out on paper, and I had to cut them out. It was rough. We're talking over 300 little pieces of paper. When these failed, I tried to make them better and printed them on better paper. When that failed, I bought colored wood pieces. These worked okay, but I could see big problems with them - like they were just to big for the board spaces. So, now I have circular pieces with numbered stickers on it. It's functional. Not ideal, but workable.

The rules of the game are layered with strategy. The key to good game strategy creation is to know what behaviors you wish to reward and what behaviors you wish to punish (usually simply by making it harder to win because you lack the rewards others are getting). I layered the strategy by making small rules that must be worked in conjunction to maximize effect. Those of us who are testing my game have ever-evolving strategy based upon the little rules I have set in place.

The play testing has evolved as well. The beginning was rough, I'm not going to lie. But now, as small tweaks are made, the game is becoming a robust, fun, strategic game. Friends are signing up to play when I am able to schedule tests. Those who play report to me that they want to play more. This is a good sign.

Everything is proceeding as I have forseen.

Consider my brain stretched

2010-06-11T14:43:00.003-05:00

My wild ride of school is exactly two weeks from being over. During these last 18 to 20 months, I have defeated my sleep-mares of failure by throwing giant letter A's at them. My wife and I have become pregnant. I invented a board game (more on this later). I started and have been successful at a new job.

So far, I have 14 A's and 1 A-minus, with one class to go. My brain is stretched. I have been really past my homework limit for about 3 months. It's time to be done.

Can't wait.

Will be blogging more in the near future.

A-B-B-A

2010-06-04T16:06:00.003-05:00

My world is precarious
a circle - fate and destiny
in the balance, eternity,
large and small and various

moments of passion and rage
the respite of competing
and the mind-numbing bleating
the oncoming storm of age

birth and burial, bookends,
a middle full of means
conscience light and clean
and choices without amends

violence without action
pain without remorse
justice without recourse
choice without redaction

truth and consequences
faith that fractures might
those lonely in the night
fools who sit on fences

fall upon your pride
bleed to save your life
upon the skin the knife
free the poison inside

for pain defies the reasons
and pleasure refines the peace
hold strong till breaths cease
when purity defines your treasons

breathe in the scent of pander
breathe out the words of tripe
ignore ad hominem and hype
the allegations of slander

truth overcomes the muse
words destroy the illusion
of love, kindess, inclusion
and secret hidden abuse

throw off tyrannical reigns
put on the belt of truth
grasp the undeniable proof
until it courses through the veins.

An interesting coincidence

2010-02-26T15:15:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I'm feeling down - not blue like when the weather is constantly dreary. Down like when people who should love me and continuously say they love me demonstrate rejection by their silence.

My drive to work is 8 minutes - 10 if I hit both lights as they turn red. My drive to school is 15 minutes. These times are important.

I headed to work in the morning yesterday. Normally I listen to AM sports talk radio. They just went to commercial, so I flipped to FM and scanned the channels. A powerful song was on the Christian radio station. It touched me in my sadness and breathed a small breath of hope in my soul. I nearly cried in the car.

I left work to go home. Dr. Laura usually accompanies me for those brief minutes. She was interesting, but her caller was super boring, so I switched to FM and flipped through the channels. The same Christian station (by the way, it's #6 on my dial and I almost always go in order from 1-6) was playing the same song. Again, I caught the song moments after it started. It really touched me deep in my soul once more. It was an interesting enough coincidence that I mentioned it to a couple people at my class later that evening.

So after class, I'm driving home. I normally listen to Love Line because after class is the latest I'm ever up listening to the radio. Well, my project group had been working a little late, so I was about 20 minutes later heading home than normal. Love Line went to commercial, so I started flipping. No station was playing a song, so I kept flipping for 60 seconds. I landed on the same station as before for about the third or fourth time and found the same song playing once more - it was at the beginning.

What are the chances that in the total of about 15 minutes that I listened to music on the radio that I'd hear the same song, 3 times, and catch it near the beginning every time? I did not hear another song on the radio in that time either.

Coincidence, maybe, but God's fingerprints are all over it.

Oh, you want to know which song, huh? Here it is.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that trys to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth,
that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears,
No more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
Will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I can’t wait until that day
where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away
the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me
from a life of shame and misery
this is why this is why I sing….

There will be a day with no more tears,
no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face

There will be a day,
He’ll wipe away the stains,
He’ll wipe away the tears,
He’ll wipe away the tears
There will be a day.

Catching up on all things bloggy

2010-02-17T16:24:00.003-06:00

1. I'm still getting straight A's.

2. I was very sick for about 3 weeks. I used 70 hours of paid sick leave. I lost 10 pounds in 12 days.

3. The sickness made me miss 2 periods of 1 class, which is normally cause for dropping the class. My teacher decided to reward my perfect attendance up to this point by giving me an Incomplete until I get the work caught up.

4. Having a pregnant wife is interesting but not as interesting as people say. I've seen it before. It's the same, except it's happening to me. She's also calm and happy to be pregnant, so she remains sweet instead of whiny, despite the growing pains.

5. Regardless of issue, my viewpoint will be different from most people. This is not a new characteristic for me. I always end up in a different place by a different path. One thing remains consistent - I want to be the best (not my best, but THE best) at everything. Fatherhood is no different.

6. Seeing my grandparents and aunt, uncle, and cousins has become one of my favorite traditions during the November/December holiday season.

7. I emailed my father. He called me presumptive. So nothing's changed in our dynamic.

8. I've seen several interesting movies. Wish I could remember which ones. Moon was disappointing. HP 6 was disappointing. Saw a Hitchcock film, Rebecca, that ruined the coolest parts of the book of the same name. I guess Hollywood has been ruining great books for at least 70 years, then.

9. I only have 8 weeks until I'm done with classes. (Well, not entirely. I dropped our online class when the teacher gave us too much homework in the syllabus and wanted to have us meet for class twice at the school. Kind of defeats the purpose of online, then, doesn't it? I'll have to take this class during the summer.)

10. I'm sure there are more things. Maybe I'll have the time or inclination to write more after I step out from under the rain cloud of never-ending homework. I wanted to give homework up for Lent, but my wife thought my idea wasn't truly in the spirit of Lent.

Later, folks.

The long wait during Christmas

2009-12-16T09:38:00.002-06:00

Ten years ago. TEN! Christmas was coming. The school year was wrapping up. Surprisingly, I had just found out that this friend of mine had a terribly powerful crush on me. Never had someone of such high caliber been so interested in me. Sensing opportunity, I decided to pursue her.

We talked.....and talked.....and talked. I found her to be a scintillating conversationalist. She was a long-term relationship person. Two relationships, multiple years in length. I was a short-term relationship person. My longest relationship with a girl up to that point had been nine months (of which, during the middle three, she was out of the country). None of the others lasted more than three months.

So we talked about foundation building. We talked about waiting until after the break to see if God was speaking to us. Waiting to see where our hearts would lead us. I knew potential when I saw it. Long-lasting relationships are equal parts pursuit and reflection. The reflection is the mental building of a forward base as in a war.

Several factors were weighing on me. Three prophecies in my life were showing signs of coming to fulfillment. I had hidden these prophecies in the secret place of my heart that I might know the signs. I use the term prophecy loosely here. In this story, it means something in the past that spoke toward the future.

The first prophecy was a prayer I prayed when I was 13. I prayed that after certain events happen in my life, that God would introduce me to my wife. Well, those events had recently come to conclusion the previous summer. I met Hanna one week after.

The second prophecy was from a friend of mine. I was the best man at his wedding and I was depressed in the months heading up to it. He was younger than me and was getting married. To comfort me, he told me that by the time he got married, I would have met my wife. For some reason, I kind of believed him. Also, I wanted to see if he was right or wrong.

The third prophecy came from me as well. A couple of Valentine's Days prior, I sat in my room for the second year in a row suffering emotionally from a breakup with a girl. As I sat there in my room feeling miserable, I prayed to God that, since I had never had someone to cherish over the romantic holiday, I would spend every single V-day with only one girl.

All of these weighed heavily upon my decision-making process. This particular Christmas season was the longest in my life. Every day seemed to drag in perpetuity. Over the years I learned that I give my heart out too quickly. So I set about to guard myself from future pain. All of these things formed together to create the mental equivalent to cement. With the just right concoction, I found that it could be formed into a solid, long-term foundation.

Ten years ago, it seemed that every aspect of my life was leading up to Hanna. Yet we waited. We prayed, separately. We reflected on our friendship and tested it to see if it could hold the weight of romance.

Hot Water Pressure

2009-11-17T15:45:00.003-06:00

I'm thankful today. My house has been suffering for months from a mere trickle of hot water.

We finally had a plumber come over to check out our hot water heater, which we were fully prepared to replace. He opened the pipe leading from the heater to our house and said immediately, "Oh, I see your problem right here." We had a inch of silt that had hardened into rock at the point of exit from the heater. He stabbed it until it went away, then he fixed our guestroom-side toilet in five minutes.

Spending $75 is fantastic when you expected to spend $600 or more. I'm thankful.

Oh, and this morning when I showered, the hot water pressure gently peeled away my skin. Definitely one of the best showers of my life.

Keeping up with my classes or my blog

2009-11-12T09:40:00.005-06:00

Well, two more classes and two more A's. My favorite teacher taught the first class, Desktop Publishing. She gave us an easier time than other cohorts before us. We only had to do a brochure, not a 16-page magazine. This was a good choice for her. I actually read the design book because I had time, which I wouldn't have had without the easier main project.

The second class was pathetic. I think teachers are trying to put us in unnecessarily difficult situations on purpose. This class made us use 3 Adobe programs we'd never used before - in a 5-week class. Tough. Also, with the Web design program, we had so many problems because it's finicky. The teacher was not available to help us on any days other than classtime. It was a train wreck. Most of my stamina was sucked up by that class. My motivation is low for my current class. I'm trying to survive until Thanksgiving, when I have the week off from work and no class.

That does not actually mean I have a week off for myself. My cohort is the first one to try to do a 15-week online class (homework due on Sundays) at the same time as having a Thursday classroom class. So, basically, my weekends are taken up with online homework, leaving me less time for my other class. Just last Thursday, my current professor attempted to claim that we have an "extra" week (over Thanksgiving) to work on his project. Our class snickered, so I informed him that our online class major project is due the Sunday after Thanksgiving. So basically both teachers think giving us homework over the holiday is a wonderful idea. Our online teacher is great, though, because she is a little negotiable. The others are not.

Also, my Thursday professor is going to give us a take-home test after our final class meeting, due 24 hours later. This is ridiculous. I asked him if we could have more than 1 WORKDAY to do the test. He said that technically he shouldn't be giving us any work after the final class. Because of that excuse and the amount of time he has to turn in his final grades, he would only move the test to Thursday during class time. ("I'm giving you an extra day to do the test.") Also, he's only giving us the test 1 week before, so we cannot work on it early. I can see his problem and his position; I just wanted to complain about it.

I still have straight A's. I am enduring. I seek the goal of a high GPA. Unfortunately, I don't actually need to learn much of anything or read any books to get good grades. I'm a strategic student. I do what I need to get points, but if I am overworked, the situation becomes more like triage and less like learning. I haven't been reading the books, except one, since we started doing 2 classes at once. I don't have the time. That's their fault as much as mine.

Anyway, I'm winning, but I'm tired. With so much work to do (and a new job with new responsibilties), I haven't been keeping up on my blog. I'll be back when I can. :)

Total Eclipse of the Heart

2009-09-09T12:22:00.005-05:00

Whether you do or don't know the original song, check out this video. Yes, the background is the originally created video - by the artist. The redone song is in response to the spazzed video.

Tenure

2009-09-01T00:01:00.007-05:00

So there I was, sashaying into class. Not a care in the wo . . . Hey, there are some hot girls in this freshman-level class. Maybe I'll sit nearby.

First day, senior-level swagger. Safely stowing my studious materials under my chair. An empty desk is best for learni . . . flirting. Pzzt! Ahhh! Mt. Dew in the late morning. Cheetos for pre-lunch.

An outgoing girl in front of me. Her quiet friend whispering to her. Sure, fine ladies, you can have some Cheetos. I don't mind. (Note to self, Cheetos = conversation starter.) Hey, why don't we sit together every class.

Physical Science teacher preparing for class. First overhead says, Phisycal Sceince 101. It's going to be a good class; I can tell.

The relative easiness of the class means I don't really have to pay attention or work too hard, but I don't dare use any of my alloted "skips" for this class. Our crew is now 3 good-looking girls and me. Why would I skip?

As the months roll by, I start hanging out with one of the girls and her group of friends outside of class (the quiet one, though not so quiet anymore). She intrigues me, but more in the lifelong-friend category. Spending time together, forming bonds of shared experiences, meshing personalities.

A sudden-onset smidge of jealousy forces her to confront her feelings for me and to confront me with these feelings. The subsequent roller coaster ride.

That was ten years ago when it started......when I met Hanna......over Cheetos. The lifelong friend. Romance is just a bonus!

Congratulations, you officially have tenure, babe. Along with the many other benefits you will receive, the most important one now is that I cannot fire you.

Class #8 - Copy Editing

2009-08-21T15:45:00.004-05:00

The half-way mark has been completed. This class was the perfect storm for me to fail. The assignments were more busy work than educational, my wife and I went through a miscarriage, and I transferred to a new job. Kind of lots going on to distract me.

My grades went up and down during the 5 weeks. My test scores ranged from 102% to 72%. I think I received 2 of my 3 worst grades on tests in this program in this class. About 1/5 of each test was fill-in-the-blank. This is absolutely my Achilles' Heel in test taking. I left most of the blanks as pristine as when they were handed to me. I know from experience that if I don't know an f-i-t-b answer, guessing won't work.

Heading into the final week with the final project (that was both huge, ambiguously confusing, and required very little actual copy editing), I knew I needed to ace the project and presentation. I only lost 14 points of the 250 possible!

This helped me make the grade. I earned 93% of the potential points, giving me an A- for my final grade.

For a class called Copy Editing, we sure did very little actual editing. The class should have been called Print Media given how much story creation, source gathering, research, and layout was required.

Music Videos

2009-08-13T08:10:00.003-05:00

I used to love music videos. But they became more and more overproduced while showing less and less of the band. This generally goes double for songs created to go along with movies. The music videos become about the movie rather than the band.

Here's one that turns overproduction into art, with surprisingly amazing results. I love it! Notice the theme of the latest Transformer movie and the transformations between the movie and the video of the band.

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash as time began to blur
Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes across this new divide

In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny
And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide
Across this new divide, across this new divide

Birthday Awesomeness--there is no charge for awesomeness

2009-08-11T14:04:00.014-05:00

So, I woke up alone today. My wife is away. On my birthday. (You see what I did there?)

As I got ready for work, I noticed that my sister-in-law left me a little sisterly b-day card and some wonderful cookies from the restaurant where she works (I can't even begin to spell the name). It was a cool affirmation card about how she's really like my sister, part of my adopted family! Such a nice sentiment.

Then I got to work and found a couple cards and a letter on my chair. My wife had given a friend a card to give me. Technically, I dislike sappy cards, but this one did it with elegance and practically spoke with my wife's voice.

My boss had a card for me. I don't know how he guessed one of my humor styles. If you're reading this now, Hanna, skip the rest of the paragraph as this will be much better to see it first-hand. For the rest of you, highlight the next section to see the description more clearly. It's a card with The Joker, from the most recent Batman movie, gracing the cover. His infamous words, "Why so serious?" are writting in violently large and psychotic font. When you open it up, the card has a voice player that plays his voice, saying, "Let's put a smile on that face," in the most aggressive manner, followed by his insane laugh. What an awesome card!

I also got a letter from Home Coupons, Inc., renewing my subscription. A year ago, my wife gave me about 30 coupons to be used in various circumstances. Well, I started classes a month later and so have been pretty busy with other things. This letter, written by my wife :), allows me to renew the coupons for this upcoming year! It was hilariously executed.

My friend bought me the best Risk game created to date - called Godstorm. It's Risk, but also not really Risk. While it's similar to the original game in concept and feel, it plays quite differently. What great fun!

Tonight the plan is to have some guys over, consume food, and kill zombies in a video game's apocalyptic scenario. Amber made me a lemon cake and put it, along with other food, in my house! What a sweet lady! Some friends are coming over. And, of course, killing zombies is always good fun, because, well, they're already dead! No morally shaky ground there!

Class #7

2009-07-19T15:34:00.000-05:00

Another class with the wonderful Dr. Kelton. Another nearly perfect score. I put a lot of thought and time into the assignments and got an A to show from it. I missed around 20 total points on the tests.

4.0, here I come.

Time wasted, and not in a good way

2009-07-18T15:36:00.001-05:00

Class #8 has really sapped my motivation to receive an A. Fifty percent of the time, both sitting in class and doing the assigned homework, feels like it's wasted.

In my last class period, the teacher spent 2 hours, half the class, passing around papers of cute things and showing off stuff. She went over points verbally, which is dangerous for her, because she gets her tongue twisted and ends up saying the wrong things and just confusing the lesson. For instance, at one point she saw the words "He was 30 years old." She said the "30 years old" should have been hyphenated, a side point to her main objective. Knowing this should not be hyphenated, I just pointed the phrase out to her and asked a leading sort of question like, "You said that should be hyphenated?" Another student looked at me and said in her mommy voice, "That's what she said," sounding as if she was implying that the teacher knew what she was saying. Of course, the teacher then corrected herself. I wanted to stick out my tongue at my fellow student.

So anyway, then we were divided into groups to determine which of our selected headlines (cut out and taped to paper like an elementary school project) were the best. We talked aimlessly about what makes a good headline. About an hour later the teacher presented a PowerPoint which gave us this lesson. It would have been nice to have had that information first and then practiced our learning.

Anyway, after wasting two hours, the teacher rushed us through a good PowerPoint, skipped our second break (after she shortened our first break), and handed us the 50-point test with 15 minutes remaining in class.

There's no feeling quite like that of being sandbagged by your teacher when your entire being is crying out for a much needed break.

Hope you enjoyed reading this rant as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Democrat told off for rascist tactic

2009-07-17T15:29:00.001-05:00

Barbara Boxer mumbles, stutters, and impotently repeats herself as she is taken to task for her comments.

Perfection.

Job Transfer

2009-07-15T15:40:00.003-05:00

Woohoo! I am transferring to a new job. I'm a bit sad to leave my current one, but it's time. I get a fairly substantial raise also, which helps. The best part is that I'm staying in this company, so I still get an extra week of vacation next year!

My title will be Research Assistant. I'll be working with just my boss - no official coworkers. I'll be working right next to some people I consider good work friends, a couple of whom I hang out with outside of work.

I'm pretty excited, all around. Thanks, Kristi! :)

PS. The interview was the most fun interview ever. We talked for 1 hour 45 minutes.

Movie Review: Up

2009-06-20T17:00:00.001-05:00

Pixar just might be the most entertaining movie producing company out there. Let's see how their 10th attempt worked out for them.

Gains: +6
Up is either a funny movie with serious undertones or a serious movie with a comedy streak. The depth of emotion conveyed, especially in the opening 10 minutes showing Carl and Ellie meeting as kids and growing up to be old married people, is fantastic. Knowing the history in such an intimate fashion is a boon to the audience and increases the power of the themes shown.

This movie did not have me rolling with laughter the entire time. But at certain moments, I thought I couldn't breathe because I was laughing so hard. I had to wipe laughter tears from my eyes at least three times.

The plot was interesting, both in it's inplausibility and in it's realism. One kept you grounded in reality; the other shot you deep into the fantasy world of a child. The main characters were intricately layered, though the bad guy was stylized, as most bad guys are to children.

The animation was great. Nothing new for Pixar here. Their attention to detail astounds me.

Losses: -1
For a kids' movie, the themes were a bit deep. I'm not sure this is a bad thing, necessarily, but I know I did not expect it. Not having kids myself, I cannot be sure what their reaction would be. Perhaps they just ignore what they don't understand like I did for Disney cartoons.

The bad guy dies, and though they didn't show it, you know. He falls from a great distance and disappears, heading downward through the clouds. I'm not sure I want endings like this in my kid movies.

Final Judgement: +5

Go see this movie if you like Pixar. It's worth your time. If you bring small kids, they may ask you annoyingly deep questions while you are trying to rush to the restroom.

Mom in Bad Car Accident

2009-06-18T15:19:00.005-05:00

My mother was in a bad car accident. She's fine--abrasions, bruising, soreness. Nothing broken though.

She turned left through an intersection, not seeing an oncoming car.

It hit hard on the passenger side of the car. She's lucky, if you asked me.

It took them 20 minutes to extract her from the car.

Ambulence ride required.

Movie Review: Terminator: Salvation

2009-06-17T18:01:00.004-05:00

Finally, the movie I have been waiting for since I was a kid. The movie that shows the older John Conner fighting lots of machines. I had to think for a couple weeks about this review. Let the mayhem begin.

Gains: +5

Let's see. Giant, unkillable robots. Add a point. Killing those robots in lots of action scenes. Add a point. Hehe.

Sam Worthington was fantastic as Marcus Wright. His acting was so good that he made everyone else's efforts pale in comparison.

The musical score really worked for me. It ramped up the intensity quite well. The throwback songs to previous movies was also great. The throwback lines were well delivered, too--basically avoiding cheesiness while delivering expected lines is super difficult.

Losses: -3

For the first time since he became a Hollywood superstar, I really got annoyed with Christian Bale. He delivered a solid role, but the focus on him was a bit overmuch. Instead of showing us awesome scenery, much time was spent close up to his face. It was enough to iritate me within the first 10 minutes of the movie. Methinks he's riding on an ego trip a bit too much. That's just my impression.

In all three of the other movies, the good guys were just trying to survive against an overpowered opponent. Then even worse things happen. This movie had none of the character and desperation of the others. It didn't feel like a Terminator movie.

Very few things annoy me more than powerful bad guys who are toned down in order to force the plot to go the way the writers want it to go. In this case, every time a terminator gets it's claws on a person, it throws them against the wall. These machines could just punch their fingers straight through a human, but they never do, except when it's more dramatic. For instance, in this movie, a terminator is dying, but gets close enough to scrape a large gash into John Conner's forehead, parting his skin like butter before dying. Why didn't it do that to him before? Because it would just ruin the writers' day, that's why. Weakening the bad guys just makes it look like the writers had to save the good guys. It doesn't make the good guys look more awesome or dramatic.

Final Judgement: +2

This movie suffered greatly not from hype but from horrible previews. Every single truly dramatic moment was shown in the previews. Every moment where I should have been blinded by the sheer scope of the story or the situation or the cool terminator machines had already been shown to me several times on previews. Instead of cheering these cool moments, I found myself predicting what happened in each scene based on what I knew was coming. If you've seen the preview, you've seen the movie. Everything else felt like filler. Watch this movie because you are a fan of the trilogy, not for it's own sake.

Class #6

2009-06-08T18:00:00.001-05:00

This was the class where everything went wrong (which I noted here and here). Luckily for me, all things being equal, I only needed my projects to look better than the other students. We had fun. The professor graded a little easier, given that this was our first attempt.

Long and short is that I received another A! It was hard and the most stressful two weeks of the program so far, but it's over. I think things from here on out will be easier. That's based on hope, probably not realistic hope, either.

6 classes and all A's. I'm enjoying the success.

Top 5 Reasons I'm Thankful for YouTube

2009-06-03T14:18:00.012-05:00

I love Top 5 lists. I make them for every subject I can think of. So here are the Top 5 reasons I love YouTube. My basic criteria is that it should be an amateur video, not part of a professional show (though one breaks this rule). These are also videos I probably wouldn't have seen without YouTube (or email forwards).

Here we go. These are in no particular order. I just rolled a die to determine which goes first.

1. How You Killed Your Brand. This song is a remake of a lame song that was sort of popular. This version is great, having a combination of parody and mockery. It came out during the big market war between the Xbox 360, PS3, and Wii.

2. Flight of the Conchords--Business Time. I first heard this on Glenn Beck's radio show, but then quickly spread it around to my friends via YouTube. It is now a favorite show for several of my friends. This is the most professional video of the bunch, given that it is related to a cable comedy show. I cried for about ten minutes when I first heard this.

3. Julie Andrews' Do Re Mi in the Train Station. This video caused me to smile all day when I saw it. It continues to make me happy...every time.

4. Tribute to John Williams' various movie songs with Star Wars lyrics. This is just plain cool in so many ways, though it gets stuck in your head.

5. John Daker. This is a classic in my office. Enjoy.

Hope you had a good time! Turns out I like musical YouTube videos the best.

Movie Review: Star Trek

2009-05-22T17:44:00.002-05:00

This movie is a modern rethinking of the classic cancelled television series which spawned half a dozen movies and several spin-off shows and movies. Here we go. I cannot claim to be a serious Star Trek fan. I've seen some of the shows, but only just finished watching the last couple movies (Next Generation) a couple months ago.

Gains: +10
Let's start with the strongest gain and work our way down. In a universe where nearly anything is possible providing the writers are creative enough, I could not be sure what to expect. What I found was a plot worthy of being called genious. With the sheer amount of lore Star Trek has accumulated, keeping some sense of linear plot while rewriting the history was a monumental task. Without spoiling anything, let me just say that the plot gives ample reason for changing old characters into more modern ones. Instead of rewriting history, they took the opportunity to write the rewriting into the plot. Genius. The plot device is brilliantly conceived, has Star Trek lore precedent, and is well developed, and full of suspensful action.

The writing should win awards. Characters had lines that were exactly the same as the original cast of the TV show and movies, but these were woven into a more complex element of character development. Only once did a line feel cheesy. Just once. That's amazing to me for this series.

The acting is perfect. Characters showed elements of their old-time counterparts, though ones who've made different choices. Delivery of well known lines was spot on. This is the first time I've enjoyed watching Eric Bana in any role. Good for him. I didn't recognize him until his name flashed in the credits at the end.

The sound effects were great. I heard many of the old sounds (ex. the bridge sound of the original TV series). This is worth mention.

The camera work gets a point for awesomeness. Taking a page from Serenity, this movie's special effects are built around giving the illusion of reality. The camera will be viewing the action and zoom in or pan out and be out of focus, then bring the action into focus--thus giving the illusion of actually being a film camera. Brilliant. One particular scene literally made my draw drop. Let me tell you, space action never looked so beautiful.

Losses: -2
Uhura has one cheesy line that completely threw me out of the movie for a second. One character, Scottie's companion, seemed more artifical contrivance than anything else. It had no basis in the plot for any reason other than to confuse me.

Final Judgement: +8

This movie destroyed my expectations and set the bar really high for the rest of the summer. I'm even going to go see it again, hopefully this weekend. I hear from friends that it's even better the second time around, but they missed the brilliance of the plot the first time. I may have an update after the second viewing to see if I enjoyed it as much as Batman, my only other +8 score.

Marco Rubio

2009-05-20T17:55:00.001-05:00

This is a speech from a guy leaving the Florida House of Representatives to run against Charlie Crist for the Republican party nomination for the U.S. Senate.

Trust me. It's worth 7.5 minutes of your time.

Update: Look, ma! No teleprompter!

Thinking about church

2009-05-08T18:00:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about church, trying to process my core reactions to things I see.

Then I found this, which is just about right:

These thoughts I'm experincing feel dangerous and potentially wrong (a specifically ambiguous term - I'm not exactly sure what's wrong). However, the further I delve into these thoughts, the more powerful the Holy Spirit becomes inside me. This seeming incongruence between my entire life perspective about church and what I feel the H.S. telling me - well, let's just say it's awkward.

Summertime...the results

2009-05-08T17:56:00.000-05:00

GUESS WHAT? WE LOOKED LIKE AMATUERS!

Go figure, right? It was fun, though. Each group had problems. I know I learned tons. I just hope my grade doesn't suffer. There were so many variables to the performance that actually quantifying anything beyond a participation grade would be unfair.

Hope this works out!

Summertime for Degree Completion Students

2009-05-07T09:30:00.004-05:00

Our current class has lots of lab work. We're in a television studio on campus creating our own newscasts. The fun level is high; the learning is fantastic with the hands-on approach.

But we've had one consisent problem. The spring semester ended, and all the lab workstudy students have gone home. Normally the studio is fully staffed for most of the day. However, starting last week, the normal workstudy students are gone for the summer. This means checking out the equipment we need for a filming project is nearly impossible, given that the point of the DC program is that we need to study on our own time because we have daytime jobs.

Also, the lab is closed in the evening. So we had 11 of the 14 members of my class show up to work in a lab, and we were on the schedule to be there from 7p to 9p, but no one was there to unlock the rooms we needed. Nobody had our teacher's home number, and security would not come unlock it without our teacher's permission. So we hacked the lab computer (it was unlocked) and found his phone number and called him at home. He called security, who then let us in.

It's just been frustrating not having someone there to answer our questions. I've heard we're the first DC class to do these lab projects. It's a great idea. But when the teacher forgot to factor in the end of the semester workstudy program (and you could see the shock on his face when the implications hit him last week), the "out of our control" elements wreaked havoc with our ability to prepare.

So tonight's lab work will be interesting, considering the lack of assistance we have been able to receive. I began meditating on one of my mottos - what comes, comes. And also a school philosophy I have - grades are like bears; all I have to do is run a little faster than the other students to avoid getting eaten.

:)

PS. And to top it off, our teacher has been really busy outside of class with his daughter getting married. I don't blame or condemn him for something like this. The entire experience is just a nexus of many issues outside of class arrayed against us as students.

Movie Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

2009-05-06T10:49:00.005-05:00

I have seen several movies which I have not reviewed, mostly because most of my writing is for my classwork. However, now and throughout the summer, I will try to blog all the movies I will watch in the theater, which is a lot.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is the prequel to the X-Men movies, covering some of the flashbacks Wolverine has in that trilogy.

Gains: +5
You basically get what you expect from this movie - lots of action, fighting, metal claws, war, intrigue, super powers. The movie delivers lots of great action sequences. The main characters are layered, sometimes even breaking stereotype roles. The acting is solid, even brilliant at times. The interplay and relationship between Wolverine and Sabertooth is worth watching.

The storyline is intriguing. The plot, when measured as a tragedy, is fantastic.

I need to add a point for the opening sequence alone, after the "kid" scene. It shows Wolverine and Sabertooth's participation in several different wars in a montage sequence - a powerful piece of cinematography.

Losses: -1
Not to be too picky, but the claws often looked fake. Between that and the lack of friction when they cut things (never requiring him to use muscles or meet any friction resistance) definitly took something out of the movie. It interrupted suspension of disbelief a couple times.

I'm not going to take any points away for violence. You should know that it's violent, though fantasy, bloodless violence. Even with giant claws of all types piercing bodies, slashing, and just killing in general, no characters bled much. There was no gore. This ends as a wash in my book. It breaks even, and I don't really mind this kind of violence, but it's there.

Final Judgement: +4

I feel this score is a point too high. The answer for why lies in the case of expectations. If you expect a solid comic book action flick, it will meet your expectations. If you expect much else, you'll be disappointed. I was the former.

If I have high expectations, a movie has greater scoring opportunity. However, it will suffer a more severe penalty if it fails to meet the hype. This movie was exactly what I expected.

Cohort Rep

2009-05-05T09:47:00.002-05:00

So, our class Cohort 41C has a position for representative - basically, the front person for our little group who acts as the student liaison between the faculty and the cohort. Our original rep has dropped out. So they asked for new applications to be submitted.

After a long and arduous process in which I filled out a paper requesting consideration for the position, I got the job! They were so wow'ed by my qualifications and experience that they picked me. (Or maybe I was the only applicant.)

When absences and tardies need to fearlessly recorded, I am there. When the cohort cries out in need of a contact list, I am there. I am the cohort rep.

PS. Also, there is a 10% tuition discount!

Classes #4 and #5 complete

2009-04-20T14:17:00.002-05:00

I meant to get these out as two seperate blogs, but since the grades came in at nearly the same time, I'll combine them into one post. This is for my communication degree, Jon. I didn't forget your comment; I just thought my first teacher would have my grade soon, so I'd have mentioned what degree I'm going for about 5 weeks ago.

Class #4 was my first senior-level course, entitled Communication Through the Eyes of Faith, though it was basically easy, lots of thinking and writing (which I enjoy). Unfortunately, I missed 1 point, thus narrowly missing the 100 percent for the entire class. I laugh at myself for how much that 1 point rankles me. Sadface. (Yes, I know I could put :( but using words to describe emoticons is funny to me.)

Class #5 was called Media and Feature Writing. The teacher was super fun. She expected quite a lot of us, but I really like to perform well for my favorite teachers. I got an A in her class, scoring about 10 points above class average on each test. This class was difficult at times because several questions on the tests were marked wrong when they were right. This destroyes my faith in "the system," despite some "this system is flawless" rhetoric from the teacher. ALWAYS CHECK YOUR TESTS FOR GRADING ERROR! Also, the teacher's work-study student who graded most of our grammaticals was wrong 80 percent of the time when marking my paper. This is fact, not conjecture. I was keeping score.

So 5 classes with all A- or better. This is good, because I'm a momentum kind of student. I'll keep trying this hard until I get a B. If and when I do, I'll likely slack off more because the straight-A's opportunity will be gone. Momentum.

Daniel Hannan

2009-03-31T14:47:00.004-05:00

This British guy speaks for me (both clips are worth watching if you have 15 minutes):

With Joe Scarborough:

With Glenn Beck:

Friday Fun

2009-03-20T10:10:00.001-05:00

Videos like this make sleepy, cranky Fridays more tolerable:

Worship Songs Cause a Black Hole in Springfield

2009-03-17T17:29:00.003-05:00

So, Sunday, our exuberant music leader at church chose the song "You're Grace Is Enough" followed closely by the wonderful hymn "Amazing Grace."

Then in chapel at work today, we sang exactly the same two songs in exactly the same order, including the horrible, repetitive, annoying "Praise Him" verse to "Amazing Grace."

As I sat there, realizing the implications of two different worship leaders singing the same songs in the same order, slowly I could feel a tiny black hole forming in my brain and sucking away my patience, even though I really love "Amazing Grace."

I'm poised to rant about modern worship music. Stay tuned.

Why method matters to the Holy Spirit

2009-03-16T17:29:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I am simultaneously more and less aware of my surroundings than most other people. I am quite aware of the minutia and the influences involved but can be ignorant of the big picture stuff. In other words, I study the method and form, and oftentimes the message is lost on me.

Spiritual Emphasis Week around AG headquarters means 5 days in a row of chapel services here at work. Our speakers have ranged from the screeching old lady to the hilarious guy to the apostle-style, all-Jesus'-business guy.

This year our speaker is a young evangelist (probably 36 or 37 years old). His message and attitude immediately struck me as being Holy Spirit-filled and anointed.

My problem with how the service went down is entirely in the method of presentation. After a long intro (we sang 3 choruses, which is a lot in a 1-hour program) and prayer, our speaker got up with his wife. She talked while he stood politely in the background, then she sang a special number while he sang politely in the background. Then he began to speak. The message felt a little disjointed, though he had some poignant points, and he cut out the final story and, apparently, the conclusion due to time constraints.

In my experience, S.E. Week often succeeds or fails based on the relationship the speaker has with God, followed closely by the relationship the audience develops with the speaker. The former is the most important, and the latter takes time to build but is crucial.

The problem is that on Day 1 the speaker must build that relationship foundation with the audience as strong as is possible. By letting his wife take charge initially after he was introduced and giving the audience a special music piece, our first impression was of his wife, not of him. In the baby duckling sense, we bonded more with her when we should have been bonding with him. She will have the rest of the week to sing or could have even at the end of today's service, but he should have been the one to initiate the audience.

Then to top it off, in the middle of his message about the power of the Holy Spirit, he forgot to conclude and jumped right to everyone standing and praying. I guess my main point in all of this is that God can move in extreme circumstances but that humans are mundane, systemic, relational beings. The speaker's job is to streamline the avenue from the spiritual to the earthly. His method felt abrupt, and the service suffered for it.

My New Teacher is Amber!

2009-03-13T15:46:00.003-05:00

My friend Amber is crazy, fun, smart, and professional. I have always wondered how fun it would be to be a student in her class.

Well, now I know. My current teacher reminded me of Amber immediately, if Amber were teaching college. This was long before she mentioned Johnny Depp and swooned over her mental image of him while standing in front of our class.

I'm sure to have many stories about her.

I'm going to love the next four weeks.

:)

My New Year's Resolution, first quarter

2009-03-12T15:22:00.002-05:00

The first 2.5 months of my new year's rez are completed. I'm giving up the soda for a year. Here are some noticeable results (remember, I'm doing this to significantly cut down on my high fructose corn syrup intake).

1. My twitches are down about 90 percent. They still strike me a bit, but they are weaker and have a much shorter duration.

2. The other health problems I mentioned in my original post are gone.

3. I miss caffeine. I've got come iced tea, which I hate but is drinkable when I need a caffeine boost. So far, I have had 2glasses of the stuff in about 3 weeks of having it in the house.

4. My tongue still yearns for the sweet, fizzy goodness that is soda. The key here for future consumption after this year will be how much I like it when I try one on January 1. If it makes me sick, then I may quit forever.

5. My water intake has increased considerably now that I don't have a gentle bubble massage and sugar coating for my tongue when I get thirsty.

6. I'm tired a lot. This is not new, but the soda wasn't the cause. Probably school is the cause. Maybe I'll quit that for next year's resolution.

Classes #2 and #3 finished

2009-03-04T13:47:00.002-06:00

This happened a long time ago. I've been derelict in updating my readers on my progress. I've finished with class 4 now. The next couple blogs will be updates.

Both of these classes were taught by the same lady. Class #2 was a grammar intensive class in which I got a 94 percent, which is an A. They do plus and minus, but I really don't care about that. It was tougher than I thought, but I pretty much knew most of the grammar stuff, which was nice.

Class #3 was a tough history of the media class. With about 7 pages of writing per week and 100 pages of reading with a 50-point test each week was pretty rough. Twice she said the testing was over the terminology, but about 10 questions per test were about miniscule facts within the reading. We asked her about this both times after her statements, and she promised to keep to her word, then did the same thing each week. Still, I got about a 95 percent in the class despite the rigged tests. Check yet another "A" box.

So that's three classes and three A's! They are not easy, but since I wish to be a writer, I'm practicing doing well on each paper I write. Due to my diligence, I have rarely lost points on the papers.

About the situation with my parents (part 3 of 3)

2009-03-04T13:26:00.002-06:00

The, I'm sure, long awaited conclusion of my thoughts about my parents is finally here! To tell you the truth, I have been working on this for the entire interim. My constant thinking about it or my several rewrites keep bringing me back to the same place. Every time I try to work through the issues in their entirety, I end up further entangling myself in the deep web laid for me by my father. I whittled all my ideas down to one single paragraph:

I have asked myself some questions addressing the issues brought up by Scott Adams. Do I have any favors left to give or any secrets I could entrust to my father? No. He has shown me that my favors are unwanted or unaccepted, and I don’t entrust secrets to people who then use them to try to control me. Do I have anything left to gain from him? No. All he had to give me were lavish gifts. All I wanted was acceptance or respect, no strings attached, no subtle manipulations to make me “better”. My father only gave me the latter, paying only lip service to the former. Then I had one final question for myself: Can I live with the knowledge that I can never prove myself to him? This answer I do not yet have, but I can truly say life is more peaceful now than it ever was. I would trade many things for a little peace, the most prized of which is the need to be accepted by my father.

That's my conclusion. When I feel the need to justify myself, I realize I am merely stuck defending myself against the individual attacks and not properly addressing the source and the premise which all these issues spring from. My father creates a web, from which he can obtain a level of control over those entangled. I feel sorry for everyone stuck in it. I feel sorry for him, in a way, though it won't change my response. I have made mistakes, but have done nothing wrong. I'm okay with that. Donald is right. I think about this too much. It's time to "let go of those who don't love you, and embrace those who do."

About the situation with my parents (part 2 of 3)

2009-01-23T09:24:00.007-06:00

[My wife made a good point about my previous post, so I modified paragraphs 3 and 4 under Point 1 for clarity.]

Point 2: In the escalation that followed my decision to finally respond to his accusations about presents, all the favors I did for my father were dismissed.

Favors carry weight. Over the years, I have tried to make a conscious effort to do many favors for my father, including helping him move stuff, clearing brush and branches from their back yard, shoveling stones, even inviting him out disc golfing and playing Halo—doing my best to always be available. After the worst day of my life in August of 2000 (caused by both my mother and my father), I considered my actions between then and now to be favors. These were all attempts at quality time and to be part of the family—to try to establish a better relationship than the shaky one we had. In his Christmas letter to me, my father said, “You get out of family what you put into it. Honestly, it has not felt like you have invested much of anything in [our relationship] for a long time.” In one simple statement, he nullified what I had attempted to build with him for years.

Since my actions meant little, I determined that my efforts were a waste of my time. If my efforts were meaningless, then the rest of the "hanging out with them" motive was gone. My father had already destroyed gift giving and receiving for me. In a final attempt to disengage from a point of contention that had existed for years, I returned some birthday gifts with the statement that I still wanted to keep trying to have a relationship. My mother then disinvited us from her 50th birthday celebration.

Our relationship had unraveled. The ties that bind were severed, and the rest of the rigging fell down as a result. The relationship was gone. I'm not a glutton for awkward moments, meaningless actions, or emotional lashings meant to set me straight. If actions mean nothing, then words mean less.

So I ended up stuck with the question, Why talk to him? Not talking to him is not meant to be a punishment of him; I consider not talking to him to be the realistic reaction to the liberties he took in our relationship. I wouldn’t talk to anyone else in this circumstance, either.

My dad turned our disagreement into a crusade against a litany of choices in my life that he disliked or disagreed with. Many of his accusations were weakly supported by hearsay or incorrect conjecture or just bad facts; many others were simply his opinion against mine. When confronted with proper evidence or my actual reasoning, my father refused to back down.

The relationship felt destructive. I had to make a call. How many more beatings was I willing to take for the sake of building a relationship where the efforts on my part were counted worthless? I took a hard look at my poker hand and decided to fold. Better to lose some, than to continue with a losing hand and lose more.

I refuse to suffer the slavish chains of my family’s enmeshment. If my options are enmeshment or no contact, then my choice is no contact. My father did not allow me a third option.

(Part 3 will come soon.)

About the situation with my parents (part 1 of 3)

2009-01-14T08:23:00.005-06:00

Hopefully this will be the last series of blogs about my recent history with my parents. In the last year and a half I have been attempting to focus down to identify the major problem(s) with the words my father spoke and wrote to me. I had a feeling that I would never be able to define it on my own. As is usual in this kind of circumstance, I kept my eyes open, and the answer revealed itself in the unlikeliest of places.

The blog I quoted in full in my last post gave me the framework on which to hang my conclusions about my parents and sister (read that before this). In this post, when I speak about my family, I’m only referring to my parents, my sister, and me.

Point 1: My secrets which could have brought us closer were used against me.

My family has many secrets. The fact that secrets lay hidden under the floorboards of my parents’ house is ironic because of all my father’s talk for years about “being open” and “laying all [his] cards on the table.” When you know things about someone - their weaknesses, their struggles - this knowledge, when used correctly, is the tie that binds. Friends can become closer that brothers or sisters because of big secrets. Of course, the situation changes entirely when they are used against you.

Though given in a spirit of sharing, what I thought were family bonding "secrets" became weapons in the hands of my father, the classic manipulator. I’m not talking “secrets” in the “hide these things from all other people” category, but more along the lines of telling him things no one else knows and the reasons behind choices - stuff like that.

I have often felt that in the eyes of my father, I was never good enough - namely because of his regular habit of criticizing me on both large and small topics. So when my father started to criticize me on my sister’s behalf about presents she received from me, a terribly destructive habit he repeated over the years, and when I decided to directly respond to his accusations for the first time, he didn't like me defending myself, and suddenly my secrets were fair game. Secrets I told him over the last few years were drudged up and used against me like a battering ram.

I’m still not sure what my father hoped to gain. It would be like if I came over to your house and complained about your life choices in relation to how you could give me or my wife what we think we deserve from you if only you had made (what we consider to be) better decisions. I may never know what he hoped to gain; however, I know what he lost. He began the journey of diluting his own influence.

People tell each other secrets small and large. At times these secrets are compromised - that's life. But whose interest is being guarded? After many years of witnessing his behavior, I came to the conclusion that my father never really had my best interests at heart. Thus, every secret entrusted to him was prey to his machinations (dictionary definition: "a scheming or crafty action, subtle maneuver, or artful design intended to accomplish some end; especially : one regarded as evil or reprehensible").

When it comes to trust, I always face a simple choice: I am either open to you or closed to you. There is no middle ground for me.

...to be continued...

(Parts 2 and 3 will come in the next few days.)

Scott Adams on Friendship

2009-01-12T10:03:00.001-06:00

Dilbert creator Scott Adams has a blog that I find fascinating and sometimes hilarious. Here is a non-hilarity one about friendship. Very soon, and based on this blog, I will outline why my father and I are not speaking.

Define Friend
Jan 9, 2009

Have you ever wondered how someone crosses the line from being an acquaintance to a friend? Or more importantly, if you want to convert an acquaintance into a friend, what could you do that wouldn't come off as stalking?

I think you can define a friend with two criteria, both of which must be met. A friend is. . .

1. Someone you have told a secret.

2. Someone who has accepted a favor from you.

Notice that I have cleverly defined a friend in terms of things you give and not things you receive. If you are evaluating your potential friends in terms of what they can give you, or how they can entertain you, you probably don't have many friends.

I read somewhere that telling a secret makes the recipient of the secret automatically bond to you. It puts the giver of the secret in a vulnerable position and it changes the receiver into a protector. That's halfway to being friends.

The second rule is simple but powerful. We accept favors from strangers all the time, without any expectation of becoming friends. But we don't also share secrets with those strangers. It is the combination of the secret and the favor that nudges an acquaintance into a friend.

Most people are wired to reciprocate. So if you go first with your secret and your favor, the recipient will be primed to do the same. It is the willingness to reciprocate that matters.

Obviously you don't want to give a dangerous or important secret to an acquaintance in hopes it will lead to friendship. You want to hold back the good stuff and start with something small. For example, lets say you are both at a dinner party and your host served duck. At the dinner table you told the host the food was wonderful, but later and privately to your would-be friend you jokingly confess that you hate duck. That's a secret, but a tiny one. You don't want to start out with your deepest secrets. Work into that over time.

Likewise with the favors, keep them tiny at first. You might have some special knowledge to share that costs you nothing but a few minutes of your time. Or perhaps you had a conversation about a vacation spot and you forwarded an e-mail with a link that your potential friend might find useful. It's a tiny favor and will be accepted. You don't want to start right off offering to drive someone to the airport at 4 AM.

This partly explains why people who work together, or play sports together, naturally become friends. You have lots of opportunities to share small secrets and perform minor favors. And of course you have lots of things to talk about. That helps.

The secret and the favor are necessary but not sufficient for making a friend. You still need some basic chemistry and common interests. But chemistry and common interests aren't things you can easily change. So if you find a candidate for a friend with whom you have some chemistry and common interests, work on the secret and the favor. Those you can control.

Kittens of the Sea

2009-01-09T09:37:00.004-06:00

Nobody would ever eat a kitten, would they? Let's change the name of fish then! (PETA is my favorite organization to make fun of.)

Look what I made!

Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org

The entire site is funny.
http://www.peta.org/sea_kittens/about.asp

I'm snotty at Christmastime

2009-01-02T09:31:00.004-06:00

Of course, this comes as no surprise to anyone who really knows me, but the fact remains that I'm snotty. All my life, in good seasons and bad, I have been snotty. People often look at me in pity, but I DO NOT NEED THEIR PITY. Could I, however, have a tissue?

Christmas was fun with our family in Texas. I'm sure my dad would have magnanimously given his advice on the subject, like he did when my grandparents were in town a couple months ago. He told them they should take some time to visit my wife and me. We, of course, already had plans with them, so thanks for the suggestion dad.

Baby O got snotty in the worst way. Now I love babies, when other people are holding them. I mean they're fine for me to hold, but I have a smaller chance of dropping them or doing lasting harm the less time I spend in close proximity. Anyway, Baby O, who likes men, never seemed to take with me. I even held him sometimes (pretending I knew what I was doing), which may have been the problem. So go figure--what does his reaction say about me? He did give me his snotty nosed-ness. I can handle lots of things--poopy diapers, flu-related symptoms, etc.--but runny noses really gross me out.

So anyway, I played some chess with the eldest son (names are being withheld because my aunt withholds them on her blog). I went 2-2 against him. He had 2 quick checkmates in the first two games before I got riled enough to see past the effervescent fog of Nyquil. I crushed him the last two games, though he always played for the sneaky checkmates and came close a couple times.

We played Settlers of Catan with the three oldest kids. About 3 games to be exact. Hanna won all of them, of course, but the little strategist (6 year old niece) got to 9 out of 10 points needed for victory. You could actually see the little cogs in her brain working hard to try to win.

I spent most of Christmas Eve and a bit of Christmas Day sleeping or napping, overcome by the Baby O-induced cold. I'm still fighting it. All in all, I'm just happy that this is the first cold of the season. Normally, I'm sick long before now.

Giving and receiving presents from family was nice, though a bit nerve wracking. After 8 years of a father coming to me to tell me that my sister didn't like the presents we bought for her (nevermind teaching gratitude or graciousness, no instead perhaps it is just be easier to criticize me), I can't help but feel anxiety around most kinds of gift giving. I enjoy thinking about people and trying to buy them something they would like, but my stomach gets this low-sinking feeling every time.

Hanna seemed to survive her gluten issues while in Texas, though apparently soy is getting to be nearly as bad. My aunt and uncle truly went out of their way to check ingredients. It's a lot to learn. We are very appreciative of their efforts!

Anyway, Christmas was tons of fun, even though I got sick.

Single Best Football Game of the Season

2009-01-01T11:55:00.004-06:00

I smiled and cheered Dallas in their complete screw-up game against the Eagles. Either team would be in the playoffs with a win, but the loser would be done for the season. What makes my heart maniacally happy is my sister's happy, cocky remarks in her Christmas letter about her Cowboys. Smiling is good for me.

Here's my favorite football writer's breakdown of the game (Gregg Easterbrook, Tuesday Morning Quarterback):

"Single Worst Game Ever Played: Teams in the win-and-in situation in the regular-season finale have blown it before. But what happened to the Cowboys at Philadelphia wasn't a case of nerves, and it wasn't a bad day; it was a meltdown. Most of the team's highly paid stars -- Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, Terence Newman, Adam Jones, Roy Williams -- were actively awful. Head coaching was awful. Assistant coaching was awful -- how come Offensive Genius Jason Garrett was running the same stuff that was stopped by the Ravens the week before? Even the owner did an awful job, distracting the team during the week with incessant talk about what he might do if the Boys didn't win. And play by specific play, performance was awful. You've got to be truly, utterly awful to give up 41 unanswered points in a game in which the playoffs are on the line, in a season when you've been boasting -- as Newman did -- "We're the greatest team in the league."

With the score tied at 3 in the second quarter, Donovan McNabb scrambled on third-and-7 and flipped a short pass to Correll Buckhalter. There were six Cowboys defenders within tackling distance, and all basically did an "Olé"! Buckhalter, who will not make anyone forget Gale Sayers, outran everyone, going 59 yards to set up a touchdown. Dallas got the kickoff and went loss of yardage, incompletion, incompletion, punt. After Philadelphia punted, as well, Dallas again went three-and-out, unable to run despite opening the game with three tight ends on the field. Philadelphia scored again for a 17-3 lead. On the next Dallas possession, Romo forced the ball to the receiver Williams: interception. With 1:04 remaining in the first half, Philadelphia had first-and-10 on the Dallas 42. The Nesharim drove 42 yards for a touchdown -- 26 of the yards on penalties against Dallas, one an incredibly boneheaded late hit by Jones. The touchdown play came when Philadelphia had first-and-goal on the Dallas 1 with 15 seconds remaining -- the Cowboys fell for a play-fake even though Philadelphia held no timeouts. The Eagles kicked off, Jones got the ball and immediately fumbled; Philadelphia kicked a 50-yard field goal to complete a 24-0 second quarter.

Dallas was not finished being awful! In the third quarter, Romo fumbled on the Eagles' 25; Chris Clemons returned the fumble 75 yards for a touchdown. Clemons is a defensive end, yet no Dallas speed player -- not Owens or Williams the receiver -- made any attempt to catch him. On the next Dallas possession, Marion Barber fumbled on the Eagles' 4; Joselio Hanson returned the fumble 96 yards for a touchdown, and only four of 11 Boys on the field made any attempt to chase him, the rest standing with hands on hips, watching, no doubt trying to think of something to whine about. On the next Dallas possession, Romo fumbled yet again -- he got little protection from that Pro Bowler-heavy Dallas offensive line that always seems to be having "an off day" -- setting up the Philadelphia field goal that completed the 41-0 run. Then, trailing 44-3, Dallas punted on fourth-and-3! Still trailing 44-3 in the fourth quarter, Dallas punted on fourth-and-2! And reaching the Philadelphia 24 with the game nearly over, Dallas launched the field goal that made the final 44-6. The Philadelphia crowd collectively laughed as that field goal boomed. Just to prove the whole thing was no fluke, trailing 44-6 with 3:23 remaining, Dallas punted again.

TMQ offers a Single Worst Play of the Season item, but what Dallas did Sunday at Philadelphia goes far beyond that standard. Imagine a 16th-century wooden warship with a cannon rolling loose on its deck and a typhoon approaching, and you're imagining a better situation than the current Dallas Cowboys."

All I can say is, Oh the joy of this occasion in this Christmas season.

Seven Years

2008-12-18T12:08:00.002-06:00

Today is the seventh anniversary of my wedding to the adorable Hanna Hosack. Some doubted that we'd make it. Some thought the timing was poor. Some frowned on the wedding for various reasons. Some, particularly some very close family, expended little effort to get to know my wife and through her to know the "me" I could and was becoming. To these people I say, you were wrong.

Many had faith in us and, even better, entrusted us to God. These people worked hard to enable us to grow as a couple, to unite us for the common good and not divide us. To these people I say, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You helped pave the road to our success.

To my wife, I say that every year is better than the year before. Our debt of love has grown as we have each grown individually through both trials and fun times. We decided early on that what we saw in other marriages and heard about through various marriage-hating media was not for us. Our marriage is much more than the sum of its participants. I am honored to share it with you. May the next seven be just as meaningful.

"Net" Theory

2008-12-17T15:14:00.003-06:00

In case you've ever wondered what I think about when you're talking to me and my eyes look vacant, here you go.

I like to put different concepts together for fun. This synergy of ideas sometimes produces humorous results, like the "Net" theory.

Net Theory came to me out of the blue. I was thinking about our spirits and how God's Holy Spirit affects them. Somehow I got on the idea that air weighs very little and wondered if our spirits actually have weight. Then I thought about how God-filled spirits might be lighter than air. If our spirits our filled with the Holy Spirit and we have done our best to repent of our sins so we would not be so entangled in the things of this world, then when Jesus returns the Earth will tremble (as a very biblical word) and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then I considered how when Jesus returns he would probably return so fast that he would cause some sort of flux in space and time (to ancient Bible writers, this might be seen as the Earth trembling).

I like to take things literally, especially things that are meant to be figuative. When considering what kind of interesting results this all would produce, I came up with the "Net" theory. What if Jesus returns and causes an Earth-trembling flux in time and space, and what if Spirit-filled souls are lighter than sin-bound ones. The Earth could tremble and flux and, in the blink of an eye so to speak, could shudder and shrink, even for less than a single second. Because it would happen so incredibly fast, those who are lighter in spirit and are not so attached to this Earth might be hovering in the air waiting for gravity to kick in. Then Jesus would use his Holy Fish Net to scoop us up and take us to the great Fish Tank in the Sky.

Of course, many things I do are easily mockable, and this theory of mine is no exception. Please continue. :)

2nd Amendment Rights

2008-12-04T10:08:00.003-06:00

Everybody needs to watch this video. It's 5 minutes of this lady in 2003 telling her story to Congress and excoriating them. The last line is exactly true.

O Fortuna in Carmina Burana

2008-12-03T19:11:00.004-06:00

This may be my favorite song of all time. Trans Siberina Orchestra's version is my favorite.

Listen here:

Lyrics:

O Fortuna-----------------O Fortune,
velut luna-----------------like the moon
statu variabilis,----------you are changeable,
semper crescis-----------ever waxing
aut decrescis;------------and waning;
vita detestabilis----------hateful life
nunc obdurat--------------first oppresses
et tunc curat--------------and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem,------as fancy takes it;
egestatem,----------------poverty
potestatem----------------and power
dissolvit ut glaciem.-----it melts them like ice.

Sors immanis------------Fate - monstrous
et inanis,-----------------and empty,
rota tu volubilis,---------you whirling wheel,
status malus,-------------you are malevolent,
vana salus-----------------well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis,------and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata-----------------shadowed
et velata------------------and veiled
michi quoque niteris;----you plague me too;
nunc per ludum-----------now through the game
dorsum nudum------------I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris.---------to your villainy.

Sors salutis----------------Fate is against me
et virtutis------------------in health
michi nunc contraria,-----and virtue,
est affectus----------------driven on
et defectus----------------and weighted down,
semper in angaria.--------always enslaved.
Hac in hora----------------So at this hour
sine mora------------------without delay
corde pulsum tangite;----pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem-----------since Fate
sternit fortem,-------------strikes down the string man,
mecum omnes plangite!---everyone weep with me!

Caffeinated Sweet Death in a Can

2008-12-02T16:43:00.005-06:00

As promised, I will highlight for you the various ailments which I think my Mt. Dew drinking was the cause of.

Jitters and Twitches: Over the last six months my body would have random skin/muscle twitches. These would occur apparently at random times, which made finding the cause quite difficult. My eyelid twich was the worst. The length of time the symptom occurred was also random. I clocked a couple muscle twitches which lasted on and off over the course of several hours. My longest single one was nearly 30 minutes. Since quitting Mt. Dew, my body has not had any twitches. I've had a couple cans of Dew while weening myself off of it, and the twitches sometimes return for a short while.

Sleep Problems: Caffeine causes sleep problems! Go figure. I could usually fall asleep pretty quickly most days, as long as I did not drink a Mt. Dew in the afternoon. The most interesting aspect of quitting the caffeine is that I wake up in the mornings well rested. I'm finding that getting out of bed is far easier than it has been in a long while. I'm more tired at normal times during the day. I'm guessing that this is normal, though also annoying with no remedy. My rest feels much more natural.

Stomach IBS: The doctor told me I had IBS when I described my symptoms. Upon changing this one aspect of my diet, I've discovered some other problems. I'm chalking this up to a similar the pain killer pill addiction that some people have--things hurt more when you go off of pain killers, but it's better for you. As long as I was hopped up on Mt. Dew, my body could not deal with some of the other garbage. The IBS is actually still in play, but soda is mostly out of the equation.

Other Organ Problems: I'm calling it my liver, but I really have no idea what exactly is wrong. I'm having an interesting sensation in my lower front left part of my abdomen, just under my belly button and slightly to the left. It feels like something is there that shouldn't be. I'm attibuting this to Mt. Dew, though it may be a larger problem (or not a problem at all, if it goes away).

Body-Reset Problem: I have no name for the biggest issue that started happening. Basically, my heart, nervous system, and breathing system would all convulse at the same time. I would feel as if everything shut down for a moment, then reboot. Definitely scary. This happened less than 10 times, but after the first time, I felt some changes were needed. Since I have, for the most part, quit Mt. Dew, I have had none of these body-reset issues.

These are the health reasons for quitting soda for one year. Also, I find that I'm much more thirsty for water, which I think is a good problem.

Pavlov'd

2008-11-19T10:17:00.002-06:00

So I’ve been not drinking soda for 4 days now. Then my coworker Kristi opened a can of soda a little while ago, and I felt a severe compulsive urge. Luckily, I remembered my cranberry juice which is like a nicotine patch for soda addicts.

Reminds me of this:

New Year's Resolution--The Big One

2008-11-12T20:00:00.001-06:00

Truth be told, I hate New Year's Resolutions. I despise them because people make them and break them. I despise them because a good idea is a good idea no matter what time of year it is. My usual question is Why wait until the calendar changes if it's such a good idea?

Anyway. I'm going to attempt one this year. This is a big one, so big in fact that I will need to take a couple months to prepare myself. Are you ready?

I'm going to quit soda. Yeah, that's right. My largest consumption of high fructose corn syrup is in soda. This stuff is not good for me. In fact, it's not good for anyone. So I'm going to knock out the biggest contributing factor. I'm pretty sure I feel its effects working in my body. Soda makes Hanna sick because she's been off of the poison for years. I'm going to try.

As with anything, I believe I can quit more easily than I could "cut back." So I'm going all the way on this one. I expect it will be hard. My tongue craves sweet drinks, so I will have to rely on cranberry juice to help. I only need a little bit of this juice to ease my longing. It's like the nicotine patch for soda addicts.

Keep me accountable, folks! In later blog posts, I will describe the negative effects of soda that are going on in my body.

Star Wars Marathon

2008-11-11T18:00:00.002-06:00

We finally did it. We planned this event for three years, for shame. Yet the time came to pass where we finally watched all six Star Wars movies starting at Episode 1 and ending at the end (where else did you think we'd end it?).

It was about how I thought it would be. In a word: LONG. I don't plan on ever doing it again, but it was fun once.

Amber and Donald came over Friday, and spent the night for this event. We laid the futon cushion on the ground in our living room, which the dogs loved. All in all, 14 hours of TV in two days was fun but headachy.

All in all, I came to one conclusion that cannot be denied: many of George Lucas's ideas are the worst parts of the grand universe he created.

Penelope

2008-11-08T10:08:00.002-06:00

Here is a long overdue post about my bleeding heart. I bike home, about 3 miles a day, 2-4 days per week. About 2.5 miles from my house, I saw the cutest puppy. (See my wife's blog for pictures.) I picked it up and biked home the rest of the way with only 1 hand steering and braking. This is much harder than you think, especially when you cross roads where through traffic does not stop.

Long story, but the crux is we gave her to my boss and her husband and their 2 teenage daughters after spending about 5 days deciding that no matter how cute the puppy is, we don't want a third dog.

Did I steal someone's puppy? Maybe. However, it was emaciated and flea ridden, and apparently had some abuse or over-zealous punishment issues in its past.

We named her Penelope for fancy occasions, with the shorter Penny for everyday use. Penny, as in, something you find on the street that someone else didn't bother to pick up or take care of.

The Neglect of My Blog

2008-11-07T19:00:00.002-06:00

I am ashamed. Yesterday's post was my first in a month. It's not that I am lacking things to say; it's just that I spend much of my time doing homework and that uses up all my words.

Well, I'll try to remedy this problem. Keep tuned. I'll be posting more often.

Class #1 finished

2008-11-06T10:04:00.005-06:00

Well, I fought long and hard for an A, and I got one. It seemed unfair at times, but thankfully, I now have proof that I can do school again.

I only missed 7 points in the entire class. 1 point from being late 1 day on an assignment that I didn't know about. I take about 50 percent blame for that one. The other 6 points missed were from the reading quizzes - proof that the system was unfair. How can I read and take good notes and then fail to properly answer the questions which were supposed to be designed to see if I read the material? Answer, bad questions.

Anyway, I got a 93 percent in the class. Yeah, you read that right. That means that in 5 weeks, we were only graded on 100 points of material.

Final tally: 93%

[UPDATE: I looked at it again, and I actually got a 92.96% in a class where I missed 7 points.

First, if it was 100 points total, I would have had a 93.00 percent.
Second, if it was 99 points total, I would have had a 92.92 percent.

I found the total number of points, though:

Total possible: 99.5
My total 92.5
Percent: 92.96

Go figure. I hate this teacher. Grade-wise, nothing made sense.]

Did my professor even read the book?

2008-09-30T14:41:00.003-05:00

My first book for my first class back at Evangel for my communication degree is a pretty generic book outlining what college life will be like for adult, non-traditional students. It speaks on studying, test taking, note taking, and many other topics.

When talking about test taking, it says to skip questions you don't know the answer to, because later in the test, another question may remind you of the answer or give a jolt to your memory links - good advice and a strategy I've used since elementary school.

Our college has a different system of quiz/test taking where you can do it online. This is great for my class because we only meet for four hours once a week for five weeks. Class time is valuable. However, when taking the tests, you must answer the question in front of you. There is no going back to a previous question.

In the past, I would save for the end questions that required me to think hard. This allowed me to know exactly how much time I had to think about it, while allowing me to complete the rest of the test and not run out of time being stuck on a hard question. I guess this strategy is out too.

On another note, I just turned in my first paper. This will go along way in my mind to determining if I still have the capacity to do schoolwork.

Movie Review: Ballet Shoes

2008-09-30T03:10:00.000-05:00

I must make an effort to write these movie reviews sooner than I have been lately, so my memory will be more fresh. Ballet Shoes is a movie based on a novel I never read. My wife says the movie covered pretty much everything she remembered in the book.

Gains: +4
Wholesome. The movie was just plain wholesome. A kind man takes in a few orphans. They run into financial difficulties when he disappears. Most of the story is about the bond between the orphans and how they need to work and break into showbiz to get by. One of the created themes is the contrast between the need for hard work and the entitlement mentality of stardom. The movie pulled it off well.

Emma Watson stars as one of the orphans. Her normal onscreen cuteness monopoly is rivaled by that of Lucy Boynton, another of the orphans - the redhead. The other actors all appeared to bring general family nature to the film cast and to the screen. This feeling ebbs into viewers and sort of makes them feel a part of this family.

Losses: -0
At times some of the orphans get a little snitty or snotty, but the issue is properly addressed in the movie by other characters who used either slightly passive-aggressive chiding (by peers) or kind scolding by a motherly figure. The behavior was not tolerated by the other characters, thus making the bad attitudes a gain instead of a loss in this review.

Final Judgement: +4

While not action packed, Ballet Shoes had enough drama and endearing qualities to make it interesting. It's definitley worthy of a second look, though not too soon. The movie deals with serious issues relating to growing up, doing so by focusing on more positive aspects like helping the family out, hard work, facing the lure of stardom, not giving up in the face of difficulty or adversity, treating others as actual people despite their success or failure. I'm tired of a recent trend I've noticed in Hollywood to portray abuse and neglect as the norm, while deceit and self-focus are portrayed as natural responses to hardship.

I'm sure I have a good point in there somewhere, but you may need to interpret my intent.

The Point When You Realize...

2008-09-26T15:57:00.003-05:00

Have you ever witnessed the point where you realize the person you are talking to doesn't know a thing about computers? How about when you know that person sits in front of their computer all day, probably making a mess of things?

I was on the phone with a lady who was trying to add information to a PDF form. I took her through the steps on how to save it. I reminded her to save it where she can remember it. I reminded her to just put in a number in the numberical field she was wanting to fill in. Then we did a "Save As...."

When she went back to look for it, she asked me if it saves as a PDF. I told her that a PDF form saves as a PDF, yes. Then she went to where she thought she put it and said she would have to open all the files there because she didn't know what the name of the file was. I reminded her that the name of the file was on the emailed document she received. Then she opened it up and, surprise, the information wasn't there!

At this point, my faith in her abilities was long gone. I had her forward the email to me with the attachment. I put the changes in, saved it, and the information stayed there. I hope this is a progam error and not her error. That would be sad.

Interview

2008-09-26T10:08:00.003-05:00

I've been anxious to post this. I had an interview last week for a full editor's position for a different company. I'm expectantly waiting to hear back today. If I get this job, then God is directing me toward certain goals--ones that have far-reaching changes in store.

My heart brims with expectant hopefullness, which will crash magnificently if I don't get the job. My boss knows about this interview. She told me she hopes I don't get the job. She said this in the complementary way, as in "I like you working here in my office and I don't want to have to replace you."

P.S. If you are a coworker of mine and you are reading this, the information is not common knowledge, so please keep it to yourself. :)

Sick as a dog and my first test

2008-09-23T14:01:00.002-05:00

I'm so fatigued. I'm sick and taking cough medicine to help me sleep at night. The side effect of getting good cough-mediciny rest is that it carries over all day long.

I have my first test since returning to college. It's a 10-question "test" over 8 chapters of a book. It's worth 15% of my grade.

No pressure.

Movie Review: Vantage Point

2008-09-19T08:22:00.007-05:00

Finally got to see this movie. The premise intrigued me. Here we go!

Gains: +3
The action was intense from the opening scene. The acting was decent, but not as good as I expected from the high caliber cast. The movie surprised me a couple times. Just when you think you got a handle on what's going on, they change the equation in a way that avoids feeling contrived. The script kept my interest throughout. The violence was prevalent but not overdone, except for showing the main shooting which the story is built around several times. Even that fits into the way they were trying to portray the movie.

Losses: -1
This movie has a surprising amount of action and almost zero amount of motive. Lots of people are making decisions in a world-changing scenario, and the audience is not allowed to know why. As the previews show, the entire movie is based around the assassination of the sitting President of the United States. You are never told why the people want him killed or what their ultimate goals are. Their plan is detailed and intricate, but why take the risk? Why are certain people conspiring together? Why do certain characters behave in certain ways? Cause A leads to Effect A, but what internal motives are ascribed to the cause? In other words, what caused Cause A? The viewer is never shown.

Judgement: +2

All in all, Vantage Point is entertaining, but it ultimately lacked the one element which would have elevated it to the rank of other great action movies. Worth watching, though, in my opinion, but just once.

First Day of School!

2008-09-19T08:22:00.004-05:00

Thank God the first day of school is now behind me. For those of you who don't know, I'm beginning classes for a Communications degree. Basically, every Thursday night for the next 22 months I will be in class from 6 to 10.

I'm glad the first class is done. My anxiety has dissolved, like excitement before a long trip that turns into road hardiness once you climb into the car.

It's going to be a long 22 months, that's for sure.

A Legacy of Fear

2008-08-14T09:22:00.005-05:00

This post is about the Legacy of Fear my father instilled in me that haunts me to this day.

The story goes that while I was a teenager, I would have deep "getting into God" times. These are the times where I would be reading my Bible and praying consistently. When I'm in these times, I'm sensitive to His Spirit. I don't read and pray on a schedule. Instead, I feel the small nudges on my soul as God asks me to spend time with Him. So I do, and the times are rich beyond measure.

Every so often I would fall off the wagon and have to learn it all over again. Then the cycle's intensity began to increase. I would get close, then something would happen and I'd fall off the wagon again, over and over, quicker and quicker.

It took me a couple years to realize that I was being pushed off. Every time I got close to God and really began to seek Him, my earthly father would become angry at something and go into one of his tirades. In these times, he became oppressive. He would look for tiny details of my life that caused him displeasure, and then he would squeeze. Most of the time he focused on stupid stuff. He would search my bedroom or look closely at my behavior just to find something to pick on. None of it was necessary. None of the things were terrible or even bad, they just were just things for him to control. These times sparked incredible anger and frustration in me, which in turn cut me off from God.

A pattern emerged. I became aware of it and began to test it. I'd go 3 months without devotions, then I would start them and observe the results. Within 1 week, my father would explode. After 1.5 years of testing, the results were conclusive. It was terrible. It was predictable. And ultimately, it was successful. A Legacy of Fear was born.

I lost the battle. I told God that I couldn't speak to Him under these conditions. I surrendered to the persecution and despaired. Around this time, I saw a movie which put forth a premise that really described how I was feeling. In the movie, the antagonist says, "Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers baled, what does that tell you about God?" I knew in my brain that he was wrong, because the premise is based in our perspective not on the personhood of God.

Still, the Legacy of Fear reigned in my life. It's control was devastating. I lost my muse. I lost my optimism. I lost my innocense. It wasn't all bad. I also lost my ignorance. I lost my arrogance. I lost my judgementalism. In essence, I became a different person.

The irony is that when I'm around God or when I read my Bible, my muse awakens. My ability to feel compassion and empathy and my ability to express myself in poetry rise from the ashes of my past and fill me with a vibrance I thought was long gone.

Yet the Legacy of Fear remains, like the White Witch's neverending winter without Christmas. So here I am, longing for the warmth of God's presence but trapped in icy fear. It's not courage I lack. I lack a careless stupidity, a free spirit persona, that would allow me to try to approach God again. I know that if I decide to do so, within 1 week, my father, who I have not talked to in over 4 months, would return with all his garbage, ready to unload some of it on my life.

I much prefer quietly dying of thirst rather than pulling the trigger of the gun someone is pointing at my head. This is melodramatic, of course, but the imagery seems apropos. Still, somewhere deep in my soul, my muse cries out to God. I keep telling it to be quiet, to not disturb the controlled calm I've managed to scrape together. Part of me wants God to stomp into my dark room and shed some light, but another part of me just wants to be left alone. My model for God is tainted, and I have trouble imagining a God who loves me despite my faults.

This song works pretty well for describing my feelings and also my hope. The verses are in one voice and the chorus and bridge are another voice's response.

In my hands
A legacy of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can almost see your smile
Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Sweet darling you worry too much, my child
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are

Never thought
This day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you are not at my side
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Sweet darling you worry too much, my child
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are

So sorry your world is tumbling down
I'll watch you through these nights
Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this is not our farewell.
This is not our farewell.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

2008-08-04T08:35:00.009-05:00

Friday I saw this movie for the second time. The Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins, is much darker than its predecessor. In fact, this movie was more visceral than many movies I have seen recently. Given this movie's blockbuster records and the fact that it has potential to be the highest grossing movie ever, I figured I should review it.

Gains: +10
The plot and graphic nature of the script danced with an R rating but never stepped over the line. This tightrope walk gave you all the benefits of experiencing the danger and horror while sparing you the gory details. The layered plot was even more savory on the second viewing and whetted my appetite for future viewings. The idea of a terrorist bringing a city to its knees in fear is compelling, but just when hope hangs by its thinnest thread, great decisions are made and great deeds are performed, and not just by Batman. I hate when movie scripts give me reasons to pity villians. These reasons usually whitewash the villian's own choices. The tangled web of conflicting stories the Joker tells gives you more a view into his mindset and goals than into his past. He seemingly comes from out of nowhere and began his campaign against the natural order of his society. This appeared to be more a case of plot function than of oversight.

The Joker is amazing. Rarely does anyone overcome the hype. Heath Ledger crushed the hype beyond anything I have ever witnessed. Too bad he died. I loved the cast: every single character had meaningful lines and roles. The movie was 2.5 hours long and none of the space felt wasted. For the first time in a long time, I felt in real time how long the movie actually was, but I was not interested in having it end.

Without giving anything away, I have to say that the ending of the movie gave me chills. In self-sacrifice Batman gives up the portion of his character he holds most dear, for the good of his city. His reasoning: because his Batman persona can shoulder the responsibility.

The movie is violent, but even after two viewings I cannot remember any blood. This is a small point, but it's a critical hinge, I think. A character is horribly mutilated, but the terrible scarring is more fascinating than disturbing. Though the injury changes him, the guy is still the same man with the same issues he had before his disfigurement.

Losses: -2
The movie is dark and sinister. While this adds a couple points, it also gets logged as a loss. I'm totally okay with darker plots, but for those who are more sensitive, this will take away from the movie. Truth be told, the movie is more sinister than actually scary. Of course, for kids this movie could be nightmare inducing. You are warned. The darkness is not for effect, it serves a purpose in the plot. When things get muddled, when you stare darkness and chaos in the face, only then do you see the true hero reveal himself.

The movie is violent. Even the good guy does massive amounts of violence to bad guys, even as he tries to hold onto his rule of never killing people. The Joker lets nothing stand in his way to total chaos. He will kill anyone or entice people to kill each other in order to achieve his ends.

Edit: After Amber's comment about Katie Holmes and Maggie G., I felt I needed to address it in the blog. Maggie G. is one of my favorite actors. Katie Holmes is not. But after watching the Katie/Christian Bale chemistry and then seeing the Maggie/Bale version, I have to say that Katie was much better for the role. The character Rachel has a critical role in the film, and it would have worked far better if Katie had the role. The chemistry between Batman/Bruce Wayne and Rachel needed Katie Holmes.

Final Judgement: +8
Moral themes ooze abundantly from the pores of this movie but never get preachy or removed from the story. This gives the movie depth way beyond even good Hollywood movies. More viewings of The Dark Knight will help me determine if I think it deserves to replace Serenity as my most favorite movie. It's definitely in my Top 10, which means I will have to look at the list to decide what gets bumped off. Even if you have reservations about seeing it, I would highly recommend that you give it a viewing.

Suspiciously familiar

2008-07-31T14:05:00.002-05:00

Watch this 5-minute speech.

Only a couple years later, inflation was down and the "energy crisis" was solved by a president who was more optimistic and believed in the greatness of America. This speech makes me think about how doctors a long time ago used to try to cure people by bleeding them. You don't cure ills by removing the lifeblood of people or of countries. When we had major fuel changes from trees to coal and from coal to gas, each was an advancement. When we have another form of energy that's cheaper to produce, gets greater productivity per dollar spent on acquisition, and is cleaner (for those who are environmentally minded), then the world will change.

I've heard nuclear energy may be the key, but I don't know enough about it. Some say "Chernoble," like that's what will happen to every nuclear facility. It was a Russian facility that cut corners and had poor safety procedures. It was bound to fail. Some talk about Three Mile Island as "our Chernoble," but no one died and it was far less dramatic.

Anyway, does Carter remind you of a current someone? Someone who perhaps thinks that filling up our tires properly will help? He said that in a speech here in Springfield. It may help our cars get a little more out of each tank of gas, but the prices at the pump will not quake and fall because of well-filled tires.

We need new energy that's cheaper and better and cleaner. If nothing fits that mold, then we need more old energy.

God is merciful...oh, and I almost killed a man

2008-07-16T08:20:00.012-05:00

Mornings for me are usually rough because I'm not a morning person. Grogginess is my total mindset. However, this morning, from almost the minute I woke up, my mind rewarded me with a wonderful playing of "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park, a peaceful ballad. The song worked itself into my mind and soothed my grogginess. It filled me to the point that I shut off my car radio as I climbed behind the wheel to head to work.

"The shadow of the day will embrace the world in grey..." was the refrain setting my mind at peace and focusing me on the road in front of me when I noticied a bicyclist 100 yards ahead of me. I noticed him, because he kept looking over his shoulder, wobbling each time - once as the car in front of me passed him, twice to look at me, three times as I got much closer. A motorcycle and two cars were coming in the opposite direction with a little spacing between them. As I approached the bicyclist, my serenity-elevated alertness caused me to watch this guy more closely. I noticed his tires twitch a few times as I got nearer, like he was an amateur who had too many other things to focus on other than where his tires were aimed. He was in my lane going in my direction - another sign that he was an amateur biker.

So I'm cruising along at 30 mph with my eyes glued to this guy. I try to time my passing of him for a small break in the oncoming traffic, so I can give the bicyclist as much extra room as possible. When I'm within 20 feet of him, I slide over into the other lane a smidge. Just as I do that, the bicyclist turns left, directly across both lanes of traffic and right in front of me, apparently turning into the lane that intersected our lane.

I slammed my brakes. I swerved. My tires skidded. Thank God for anti-lock breaks. (I was in our Intrepid, so stopping time is much greater (when measured in inches) than our smaller car.) The biker did not turn his head to see me until he heard the tires squeal. Now this took less than a second, but still.... Anyway, he freaked and turned his bicycle wheel parallel to my adjusted path. His momentum and my momentum carried us into each other. However, our adjustments meant he only received a glancing blow to his front bike tire.

The truck in the oncoming had enough time to stop to let the biker, who was still on his bike and had not been knocked over, pull back across the road and climb off. I waited until the truck passed us and pulled over to the biker and asked if he was okay. He said, "You hit my damn bike!" He said, "I had my arm out like this" and held his left arm out in the gesture of turning left. I said I did not see his arm, not mentioning the fact that I believe he did not raise his hand to signal a turn. I thought it best not to argue blame at that point, considering he was probably in shock from nearly dying. He repeated, "You hit my damn bike!" I said I realized that. I asked him if he was hurt. He looked like he wanted me to protest innocense and get mad at him, but I did neither. He said he was not hurt. I looked at his bike, which appeared to have no damage to it. So I looked him in the eyes and said "I'm sorry" and left when his body language appeared to accept my apology.

As I stated here, I had watched him very closely for 100 yards because something about his handling of his bike was making me nervous. I never saw his arm come out, and while he was talking to me, I noticed he was holding a partially full plastic shopping bag in his other hand - yet another sign of an amature bicycle operator. So holding out his left arm while controlling the bike with his right hand which was holding something would have been very difficult.

Anyway, I nearly killed a man, which is pretty traumatic for me. Yet, my mind was at peace prior, so I had clarity and focus not grogginess. My reaction time was nearly instantaneos because I was wary of him. I had no huge spike of adrenaline to use up because, as a good driver, I was as prepared as possible for him to do something unpredictable.

And the song continued in my head afterward, almost as if it was ordained by God to be my companion to sharpen my mind for what He knew was coming and to reassure me afterward. I could not have been more ready to avoid the biker than I was. Praise God!

Read this PG-13 article

2008-07-10T13:05:00.003-05:00

Could you have sex every day for a year? Check out this lady's birthday gift to her husband. The article is fascinating from start to finish. Most everyone, including her hubby, didn't think it could be done.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1033911/Could-make-love-husband-day-year.html

Don't forget to come back here and comment on it.

The Truth

2008-07-01T13:10:00.001-05:00

I love this article. Honest and true to both sides of the aisle (or is it isle?). Some people buck the stereotype, but stereotypes are people too.

http://www.creators.com/opinion/lenore-skenazy/cell-phone-holdouts-are-right-buy-a-phone-become-a-baby.html

BTW, I'm planning to begin writing more. I'm feeling more wordy now that a couple weeks have passed since I worked on that letter. I think I've said what I needed to be said, and that I don't actually need it to be heard by my father. Thanks for your advice!

No posts lately

2008-06-20T14:04:00.004-05:00

I have not been posting lately because most of my creative energy has been going into writing a letter to my dad. This leaves my mind scourgified of words and increases my brain's Halo 3 requirements.

I'm unsure if I will send the letter because it's mainly for me and my peace of mind. The goal is accomplished. The arguments that were filling up my mind are quieted. I can now look at the letter any time I feel like obsessing and feel like I've spoken my piece.

Of course, this does nothing for the relationship. As long as I don't send the letter, nothing changes and my father remains insignificant in his forced silence.

So, the question is this: Do I keep the letter to myself and just let the tide of time scrub away the emotional aspect of the loss of my family? Or do I send the letter and risk more frustration and other worse emotions in order to give my father the chance to give me the parental relationship I've always needed but rarely gotten?

Of course, this is my decision, but feel free to sound off.

Alone in a Crowded Church

2008-05-29T14:46:00.003-05:00

My wife and I have a continuing problem of not finding a niche in a church. We don't have kids. We're both homebodies of a sort.

Meeting people is not a huge problem (though it is an obstacle), but what does it take to have other church members take a genuine interest in you? We've always lacked any sort of Christian mentorship or couple-to-couple friendship from church members. (We have some of that from great college friends, but I'm not talking about them.) It does not matter if we are participating in church activities or ministering to others or just warming pews, there just seems to be a lack of personal interest from surrounding people.

Everyone has their own lives. But I wonder how many other people feel as I do. I wonder how many of them I sit next to in church.

I'm capable of skipping church frequently because I know that nobody will miss me when I'm gone and those who would miss me don't go to my church.

Halo 3--Educational?

2008-05-23T14:03:00.004-05:00

I am bored at work (and for the first time in a long time I'm bored and have no work!), so I'm reading articles and catching up on my daydreaming. For those who don't know, one of my favorite video games is the entire Halo series, a First-Person Shooter (FPS) game where you run around and kill aliens and save the world. I'm pretty good at FPS games, but I'm also very critical of them. This game quickly rises to the forefront of it's cohorts for many reasons, which I won't list.

Check out this cool article I discovered:

Why Halo 3 is more educational that “intellectual” games.
by Mike Caulfield

I always *felt* like I should be a gamer. After all, I built educational games for a good portion of my career — first for children (reading readiness software), then for Columbia University and Cable & Wireless, where the name of the game was social simulations — choose-your-own-adventure style scenarios where you interacted with professional environments — and if you made the wrong decision you could bring your team/company/state/country down with you.

So I tried to play recreational computer games. I really tried. Since I like to solve puzzles I kept buying PC based “adventure” games. And since I’m not a violent sort I steered away from the gore.

But every game I played seemed like the same game. And that game was “Try to figure out what the game designer thought an appropriate action would be in this context.”

I’m sure you know this game. It starts with you watching a film intro, and then some objective is voiced. Maybe you have to get to Room 306 or something. Maybe you have to find the crystal ionizer.

So you walk around a room, and the first steps come easy. Wow, there’s a note there! What does it say?

But then you try to exit the room for 30 minutes without success. Why won’t that door open? Am I at the wrong door?

And then the answer, stupid me, would be that the card under the coffee cup was actually a key card for the door. It goes (don’t you know) in the slot you saw on the floor on the other side of the room.

That’s thirty minutes of my life I’m not going to get back. And it’s thirty minutes of trying to guess what an “appropriate” solution is.

Worse, it’s thirty minutes of trying to figure out what an “appropriately creative” solution is. And that’s just maddening.

So I gave up on games for a while. Until one week I decided to borrow my brother’s XBox and see what the hullaballoo about Halo 3 was. And from the moment I started playing it, I realized I had it backwards on games.

Whatever your feeling about the subject matter, the battle games are the educational games. Why? Because as you run through scenarios dying repeatedly, you are forced to look at the thing, not from the perspective of WWGDD (What would game designers do?) but from the perspective of systems analysis. Have you chosen the correct weapons to make it through the hall? Would a short range weapon with a bigger kick be more appropriate? Are you dying because you are trying to take out too many of the enemy before proceeding — or do maybe you need to dash through *more* quickly? Is the risk of making the dash to the weapons cabinet worth the pay off here? What’s the optimum route through the level?

You have resources and potential paths. You can combine them in ways the game designer might not expect. There are multiple working paths to any achievement. You play co-op mode with others, and you develop team strategies (”You go this way with the gravity hammer and I’ll snipe with the 50 cal…”). And every time you die (which if you are me, is a *lot*), you evaluate that crucial question Seth Godin refers to as the question of “The Dip”: Is my set of tactics sound, but requiring more polish in execution? Or is my approach fundamentally flawed?

And, again, you do this all by studying the way the system operates instead of playing a senseless game of WWGDD.

You may find the content disturbing. Personally, as silly as it may sound, I can’t play games where I’m shooting realistic humans in a current war. I have to shoot aliens, or people so far back in history that I’m removed from the geopolitical implications.

It’s an odd line, but somehow it works for me.

But strip away concerns about the violence and the process of playing Halo or Gears of War is more educational, and will teach you more about analyzing problems than any “intellectual” game on the market. There’s an honesty to these games, and within tight constraints, an emergent element. No, it’s not Spore, or Civilization IV. And you can’t build your own weapons or design your own level (it turns out you can design your own level, see comments). You can’t mashup elements from other games into Halo.

But you can study a system that operates in a discoverable way, and develop an approach that makes the best use of tools and available cover. You can develop a strategy that it’s just possible no one has discovered before. That beats trying to figure out what cleverly hidden object you need to open a door any day of the week.

http://mikecaulfield.com/2008/05/23/why-halo-3-is-more-educational-than-intellectual-games/

Of course! That's why I've always liked it! In all seriousness, the Halo games really do rise above most of the competition in what they allow you to do.

Out of Gas Planet

2008-05-23T13:02:00.006-05:00

I've been pondering a couple incidental pieces of information I have heard recently. (Truth is I haven't researched it very much, though I plan to. I just like the mental exercise that the following thoughts provide.)

The first piece of information I heard is that Saudi Arabia is beginning to pump ocean water across overland and then deep into the ground into their underground oil wells. They are using a certain technology or mechanism to put the water there to raise the oil to where they can reach it. This was taken to mean that they may be running low on, and may soon run out of, oil.

April 22, 2008, 1:59 pm
Peak Oil? Saudis Squeeze the Stone Even Harder
Posted by Keith Johnson

As oil reserves get harder and more expensive to suck out of the ground, one big question looms: Is Saudi Arabia facing “practical peak oil” or the real thing?

Saudi Arabian officials made waves last week with an announcement that the kingdom would voluntarily limit future oil production, in order to leave oil wealth “for future generations.” Last weekend, Saudi officials said that the world’s biggest oil producer won’t be diving into new exploration projects after next year, citing sluggish Western demand and the search for alternative fuels to petroleum.

So are the Saudis smartly shepherding their oil resources? Or are they obliquely acknowledging that getting them out of the ground will be increasingly difficult and expensive?

Neil King in the WSJ reports today (sub reqd.) on the challenges facing Saudi Aramco as it launches its last big project before taking an upstream hiatus: The tricky development of the big Khurais field, which could pump more than 1 million barrels of oil per day. The paper says:

Even in Saudi Arabia, home to more than a quarter of the world’s known recoverable reserves, the age of cheap and easily pumped oil is over. To tap Khurais, Saudi Arabian Oil Co., known as Aramco, has embarked on the most complex earth- and water-moving project in its history. It is spending up to $15 billion on a vast network of pipes, oil-treatment facilities, deep horizontal wells and water-injection systems that it calls “one of the largest industrial projects being executed in the world today.”

With crude oil approaching $120 despite sluggish demand growth in the U.S., the idea of “peak oil”—that the world’s oil glass is already half-empty—is increasingly gaining currency. Other once-formidable oil producers like Russia, the U.K., and Mexico are all seeing production decline as fields age. While Aramco has been very good at squeezing the maximum amount of oil out of each reservoir, even the world’s biggest oil producer is finding that it’s no longer shooting fish in a barrel:

“Khurais and [offshore field] Manifa are the last two giants in Saudi Arabia,” says Sadad al-Husseini, a former Aramco vice president for oil exploration. “Sure, we will discover dozens of other smaller fields, but after these, we are chasing after smaller and smaller fish.”

Unlike previous mammoth fields, Khurais needs a push while it’s still young—in the form of sea-water injection to get wells pumping. And that’s tricky business: Aramco seismologists spent years poring over rock formations to build their gameplan.

It’s costly, too: The paper reports that Saudi costs for adding new oil production have quadrupled in recent years, from $4,000 for each new barrel per day of capacity to about $16,000 for each additional barrel.

As Western leaders implore OPEC to boost production, and the OPEC producers with the most play coy, the question remains: How much play is really left in the global spigot?

http://blogs.wsj.com/environmentalcapital/2008/04/22/peak-oil-saudis-squeeze-the-stone-even-harder/trackback/

The second bit was something I read. It was predicted that if China continues over the next 20 years to experience the same rate of growth it has had over the past 20 years, then they would require per day the entire amount of oil currently produced per day in the world.

So, I've been thinking about the possibility that maybe the Earth's supply is finite and what that would mean in escatological terms. I may read Revelations again just to see if it's hinted.

PS. I don't necessarily want to turn this into a Velikovsky discussion, but I thought it would be worth mentioning. If Velikovsky's research is to be believed and oil and/or natural gas was introduced to Earth by the passing comet, now planet, Venus, then it would make sense that we have a finite amount left in the earth.

Movie Review: Prince Caspian

2008-05-21T09:30:00.006-05:00

This remake to one of my favorite children's book series books was not a children's movie. You can write about battles all you want, but actual killing is never as noble or cool as when you write about it. Even movie killing, though still fake, is more horrific and "adult" than children should see.

Gains: +7
This movie, though violent, showed little blood and toned down the horror of battle about as much as is possible without showing an empty screen. The acting was great, from the children to the dwarves to the adults and even the CGI characters. CGI characters usually seem to act according to what the animators think is cool. This gives them an element of unusualness that really shatters my normal, easily-held suspension of disbelief. I think the reason for this movie's success was the contributions of WETA in making actual costumes for the fantastical creatures. The CGI animators then focused on making the animated versions similar to the costuming. It worked flawlessly. The mouse was the only one who was fully animated, and they didn't focus too much on his acting ability.

The story was rewritten and deviated quite a bit from the book. Normally, I hate when Hollywood does this, but that is because they change themes, plot, and characters in such a way that the story is diminished. Prince Caspian, in my opinion, expounded on these story qualities and succeeded in their rewrite. The dialogue was hilarious. The movie took it's time setting up and built to a great battle scene at the end.

Losses: -2
The wrap up at the end was a little melodramatic and felt stitched on. Also, I really hate Aslan's voice. Liam Neeson just doesn't have a deep enough tone to his voice, and Aslan's voice has no growl to it. It just sounds like Liam Neeson talking, which makes me cringe - the king of lions with light, smoothe, Irish-accented English words.

Final Judgement: +5

Loved this movie. It had all the elements I could really enjoy and kept up the suspension of disbelief. You could definitely tell that Lewis and Tolkien were influenced by each other and other similar elements. I hope I never hear ignorant people saying how this movie was just copying LOTR. Anyway, great movie. I will maybe even see it again before it hits the video stands.

The Aged Pianist

2008-05-20T12:51:00.006-05:00

Chapel services at my workplace are usually boring affairs. I usually close my eyes and try not to nod embarrassingly when I fall asleep. I have nothing against the speakers - they usually seem to have put a lot of effort into their messages. However, chapel is every single Tuesday, at 8:00 in the morning. I'm not an early morning person, and the consistent Tuesdays have bred into me a general complacency.

Hilton Griswold changed that for me, at least for today. He was introduced as an 86-year-old gospel singer who toured with a group of 6 guys.

Hilton walked slowly to the piano. His back was hunched and his head hung forward. Arthritically he sat down and made an old-person joke. His age showed right up until the moment when he played the first chord on the piano.

His hands began to dance along the keys, bringing forth a spritely gospel tune. Then Hilton began to sing. By the end of the song, he had sung each part of a 6-person male gospel chorus singing group. Hilton's range stretched from the deepest bariton to a high tenor and alternated repeatedly. Though his age was apparent in his voice, it lent a richness that can only come from years of singing.

When he finished, he rotated slowly on the piano bench, then placed both gnarly hands on both wobbly knees and pushed himself into his feet. With his back still hunched over, he made his way slowly to his seat behind the piano, an old man once again.

Hilton Griswold's performance has changed my mind about Tuesday morning chapels, at least until next week.

The Wasp

2008-05-20T11:03:00.008-05:00

I was sitting in my study playing my favorite video game, when a wasp landed on my window screen. This screen has a three-inch long slit that is less than a half-inch wide. The wasp landed right on the bottom lip of the gap and stuck it's head in to look around.

I reached over to flick it on the head, but before I could, it stepped into the house as if the slit was an open invitation.

Not wanting to take my eyes off it, I yelled for Hanna to "grab the flyswatter...and the RAID." Then when she didn't show up within 5 seconds, I yelled for her to hurry. The wasp buzzed angrily in my general direction, no doubt planning what patch of skin would be the best place to holster it's stinger.

Hanna came rushing in like an angel of death or, more accurately, the assistant to the angel of death who carries the angel's scythe for him. She handed me the death implements. I turned and fired the RAID spray at point-blank range at the wasp. It began to buzz in ever increasing panic as the poison set in. Still, I was not satisfied because I have seen wasps shake off the spray and fly off. So I hit it hard with the swatter, cracking it against the screen. It fluttered to the windowsill but amazingly was still walking around. So I doused it with more of the spray, thinking that the poison now had a chance to penetrate through the cracks in the fiend's armor. Then I gave it one last clubbing for good measure.

As I stood there, basking in my victorious achievement, I thought about the movie Grosse Pointe Blank and how similar my situation was to when Martin Blank shot a guy (who was trying to kill him) and clubbed him with a frying pan, then shot him again and clubbed him again just to make sure - except that my gun was a can of RAID and my frying pan was a flyswatter.

3 new posts and say hello to a college student

2008-05-16T14:51:00.003-05:00

This is just a note to tell you that I just reviewed 3 movies in a row. My life has been pretty boring other than that, so I've not had much to post.

I also wanted to tell you that I've been accepted into Evangel's Degree Completion Program, where I will seek to obtain a second bachelor's degree, this one in the field of communication. Pray for me. I begin September 18 and go solid for 22 months.

Movie Review: Atonement

2008-05-16T13:36:00.006-05:00

Gains: +3
I have to talk about the musical score of this movie. Un-freaking-believable. The composer wove sounds from the story, like a typewriter or someone beating on the hood of a car, into his music. For example, check it out here [Update: Embed failed, so here's a link.]:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXoFtTZTJAw

The young actress Saoirse Ronan, who played the equally young Briony Tallis, was great. She really outshined James McAvoy and Keira Knightly in her portion of the movie. I really got into the first half of this movie, though Hanna didn't. It was fast paced and different from most movies in its conceptual filming style.

Losses: -4
Then the young Briony Tallis character grows up and the movie grows stale. World War 2 never looked so boring. The characters were disjointed and never really connected to each other again. By the end of the movie, when I anticipate at least the feelings of "Great! At least it's over!" there was a surprise twist ending. A movie that was sinking fast found one last way to inspire contempt.

Aside from that, there was one extended annoying sex scene in the first half of the movie. Now, I'm more okay with these kind of scenes if they are plot-based ("more okay" like "hey, at least this disgusting black licorice at least has a satisfying chewable quality"), this scene would have been much more palpable if, as I expected, the movie turned out to be pretty good. Nope. It was lame. The scene turned out to be nothing more than irresponsible junk.

Final Judgement: -1

This movie would have flopped horribly if not for the awesome soundtrack. The first half was great, so if you want to watch just that part, I will clue you in to how it ends - badly. This movie further solidified my view that from here on out, I will mostly only watch movies that have been recommended to me in some form or fashion. On a different topic, it makes me sad to see how skinny and curveless Keira Knightly has gotten.

Movie Review: Expelled

2008-05-16T13:12:00.002-05:00

This movie was more of a documentary of Ben Stein's journey into the world of socialist academia than a real movie. Since it's a different sort of movie, I will just say this: I would recommend it to everyone.

We've had lots of "documentaries" recently that seem politically based, but more in the sense of shutting the opposition up, or closing the door on communication, or making fun of a situation. This did not feel like any of those. The idea of opening the doors of discussion and debate for all sides to be heard is repeated often throughout the movie.

I found it entertaining and informative and well done.

Movie Review: Michael Clayton

2008-05-16T12:56:00.004-05:00

Gains: +2
This movie was great in the middle. Suspense and politics carried the day during the middle. Two conversations, in particular, in the middle (and one at the end) were worthy of note. They carried the movie incredibly. I always enjoy watching George Clooney. He even makes bad movies into tolerable ones.

Losses: -4
I cannot understand what is to like about a bunch of morally bankrupt people. Let me list them (spoilers alert): a lawyer realizes all the horrible things he had done, tries to do something good-ish, and gets killed for it; a lady lawyer works for a reprehensible company and sells her (apparently worthless) soul to save her company what is due it; a main character has a gambling addiction and sells out a man he respects to get money to cover his debt, then after an attempt on his life because he knows too much, he gets even by turning his evidence over to the police in a sting operation. Please note that his character never changes, just his tactics, thus rendering the movie morally vacant. The beginning was slow and the end was - meh - two thumbs horizontal. There were a couple of other moments of things I did not want to witness or hear or even repeat here.

Final Judgement: -2

A good movie to watch if you are captured by terrorists and have nothing better to do. They may even decide to work it into your torture regimen. This movie made me start thinking that I may begin only watching movies that come with some kind of recommendation. I am curbing my list to, with a few exceptions, this new guideline.

A Bird in the Hand

2008-05-07T09:19:00.006-05:00

Monday, I was walking past my workplace building, picking up something for my boss, when I heard a loud thump above me. Glancing to my right, my eyes caught movement as a bird landed in the middle of Campbell Street with a splat. Traffic was nonexistent for the moment, so I made my way over to the poor bird. It looked dead. It's eyes were open and it was not moving. I thought it's neck was broken from hitting a window several stories up. The fall could have also killed it. As I reached for it, however, the bird fluttered about a foot away and landed on it's chest. I lunged and captured it as gently as I could.

The bird decided I was not causing it pain, so it ceased to struggle and sat calmly in my open palm. It was less than half the size of my open hand, so I could easily carry it and hide it with both hands, if need be. I took a close look at it. The iridescent feathers were dark blue around the head, becoming lighter blue down toward the tail. The bird is known as an Indigo Bunting.

I showed this bird off to the ladies, who were where I picked up what I was sent to get. I showed it off to an employee on my floor who was arriving late. The entire time, the bird sat comfortably and calmly in my open hand. Then I thought my office would enjoy seeing it. Only my boss and one other were in, so no pictures were taken (usually documented by a particular person who was at the dentist on Monday). I made sure to keep the bird secured, just in case it suddenly got flighty.

After a minute of showing off, I took the bird back downstairs and outside. It struggled a bit on the ride down the elevator, so I thought it had recovered from it's shock. Once outside, I removed my covering hand and it perched gently on one of my fingers, grasping it like a tree branch. It stood there for a minute, not minding me a bit. However, when I reached for it again with my empty hand, it startled (as only birds can do) and sprang off my finger and into the air. I watched it fly far away.

The End.

PS. I did take note of several coincidences. First, I just happened to be walking there at the right moment. Second, Campbell had been busy only a minute before the bird hit the road, but it was strangely devoid of cars afterward. Third, I was wearing a deep blue shirt. Surely the bird thought I was the mythical Indigo Bunting god, sent to save it from being squished. I imagine tales of me are being sung even now in Bunting lore.

Popularity and Wealth and Happiness

2008-04-29T11:16:00.007-05:00

I feel sad when I ponder the Hollywood types, as I imagine them receiving enormous wealth and popularity, and yet discovering that they have not found happiness. I've heard countless stories of people compromising their morals, and thus degrading their souls, in an effort to reach a goal they think will bring them happiness. The cruel joke is that, en route, they give up that which could make them happy.

I would love to be wealthy. But not at that cost.

Review: Goya's Ghosts

2008-04-29T09:23:00.009-05:00

Gains: +4
I love period pieces. This film is set during the time of the Spanish Inquisition. I am inclined to add a point to the movie as a result. Javier Bardem portrays his excellent character-acting ability. Natalie Portman does emotional acting very well, even though she does not seem to have the ability to speak with an accent. The plot bobbed and weaved tantalizingly throughout the movie and did well maintaining viewer interest. Though the subject matter was dark, the movie actually had an element of restraint when dealing with the darker images.

Losses: -6
Having said that, there still were a lot of bad elements in the movie. Nudity and violence seemed to be part of the time period. Though neither was glorified and restraint seemed to be the rule, this film still had strong elements of both. While the acting was generally strong, the mix of accents was a terrible distraction. Javier has a perfect Spanish accent to go with the Spain setting (probably because he is a Spanish actor). The Queen of Spain also uses a Spanish accent. However, the King of Spain, played by Randy Quaid, has an American accent. Natalie Portman has several variations of an American accent. Stellan Skarsgard, who played Goya, had his typical not quite Scandinavian accent. Overall, the mix was quite humorous and ridiculous.

So the movie takes you further and further into a dark plot, one filled with twists and horrible situations. A character goes insane, another is executed, another is a prostitute, many are killed in war, and just when you need a ray of sunshine, the movie ends. It seemed that they ran out of film in the camera or a major actor died or something tragic happened on the set, but alas no, they just forgot to write an ending. As soon as the credits rolled, I listed 4 things they could have done to give it a decent ending. They did none of them. So, with no point to the whole plot, the most easy straw to grasp at is that the movie was just a slam against the Catholic church, which of course is obviously full of evil people with evil purposes. Everyone "knows" the Catholics never did anything to help the world. In a movie where most of the characters had both good and bad points, couldn't the writer and director have included something to that affect for the Catholic church as a whole? At best, the writers were negligent. At worst, they were subtley malicious.

Final Judgement: -2

Treat this movie like it has leprosy (not the good kind). Even though the acting is really good, no actor can overcome a bad script ending. Even as I write this, I'm thinking that it was almost worth watching because Javier Bardem's acting was so good. If he hadn't been in the movie, it would have been totally worthless. I wholeheartedly recommend that you watch something else, like ants running about on a windowsill. That would be more worth your time.

Psalm 1

2008-04-25T15:12:00.002-05:00

(an original psalm)

Defend me, O Lord, with your right hand.
Let not my enemies slander me.
Let not their heels crush or spurn me.
Raise your powerful voice;
declare your word against them.
Let me not be put to shame,
for unjust words fester in my soul.
Speak to them the truth of their trespasses;
and forgive when they humble themselves.
Lift your scepter;
let me speak.
Forgive me, O Lord, for my attitudes.
Open my ears to hear your voice once more.

Hanna sleeptalks, etc.

2008-04-25T12:10:00.004-05:00

Worse than that, she actually acts exactly as if she's awake.

Last night, when I went to our bedroom, she was very asleep. Until I bumped the bed. Then she looked at me with surprisingly awake eyes and asked me if I was going to bed. In a bit, I said.

About 45 minutes later, I laid down in bed. She popped awake, sat up, and leaned over and kissed me - while looking wide awake.

Then I read a book for 30 minutes. Hanna rolled over and the light disturbed her. She opened her eyes, grabbed the front portion of my book, and bonked me in the nose with it. I said, Weirdo. Then she leaned over and stared hard at the cover of the book to see what I was reading. She already knew that.

All this happened. Yet when I questioned her about it this morning, she had no recollection of any of it. Silly person.

What I've Needed From My Dad.

2008-04-18T13:09:00.005-05:00

For those of you who don't know, I am currently ostracized from my family. That may not be the correct word, given that it's kind of self-initiated. My dad would definitely argue that he and mom are open anytime to some kind of restitution. Of course, this is silly, because they want ME to come to THEM.

The truth is that they leveled a judgement against me, then spent 8 months trying to guilt trip me into accepting their wrong perspective. They also tried to use guilt as the coating to make me swallow the bitter pill of their rejection without fighting back. Fat chance. I'm not to blame here, I didn't start it, and I cannot just let their shameful false accusations stand without defending myself.

I have two choices:

1. I could accept dealing with my family and allowing them to feel they are justified to "confront" me on issues which are none of their business, while allowing them, in order to manufacture evidence for their case, to belittle my contributions to the family.

2. I could accept that they will never recognize any validity in my counter-arguments. I have to live with knowing that they have treated me unjustly and yet still blame me for our schism.

I've lived unhappily under Choice 1 for many years. I got tired of it, so I've moved on to Choice 2. Unfortunately, this means that anything but a distant relationship with them is impossible. Their motive is suspect. I cannot trust their words. It seems that, to them, blaming me is in their best interest.

Fine...whatever...but I cannot live around people who view me as they do. It's bad for my digestion.

What I've always needed from my dad since he dumped his load of crap in my lawn is for him to want to clean it up and show me he is working hard for my best interest as well as the family's. I will not be their scapegoat - their sacrificial lamb - any longer. Their problems are their own. When they become hungry for another victim, let them eat themselves for once.

Viva la ME!

Movie Review: Down With Love

2008-04-17T13:24:00.005-05:00

Gains: +6
I have a fondness for good inuendo, and this movie was dripping with it. Every scene either built tension between the main characters or focused on inuendo or both. The acting was robust. Both Ewan McGregor and Renee Zellweger can pull off complicated roles. They even sing several duets for the soundtrack. The side characters had depth and personality. David Hyde Pierce was fantastic. The writing was tight and the dialogue was crisp. Not a word seemed wasted. The plot woos viewers with a mix of tension and humor. Since there are no real antagonists, the plot walks a tightrope between making Ewan's character likeable and detestable. I found myself rooting for him at times and against him at others.

Losses: -2
There is a major shift in the plot at one point. It was awkward. To cover it, Renee gives a extended uncut monologue (camera is on her for 1 or 2 minutes) without a break, which is funny in the way downshifting a car too early is funny. The engine grind sets your teeth on edge and you feel a nervous tingle in your spine. Also, the ending was not as amazing as the rest of the movie. I think the writing was so good that they wrote themselves into too tough a corner to wrap up neatly.

Final Judgement: +4

My thanks to Amber and Donald for stopping my trend of bad movies. I loved this movie. I'm not sure if it has rewatchability, but I'd be willing to try it again in half a year. If you're sensitive to sexual inuendo and find it more uncomfortable than funny, don't watch this movie and don't trust my judgement on it.

x4 modifier on Chance to Scare

2008-04-15T09:12:00.002-05:00

It's a known fact that girls scare easy. Add to that the fact that Hosack girls are a little high strung and in their own worlds. Now add a closed room and a loud Gilmore Girls episode. It was a perfect storm.

I walked up to our study door, place my hand gently on the knob, and threw it open, while shouting, "What's going on here?"

You can imagine it; I call it total success. The looks and squeals were priceless.

Then, for good measure, I poured a little water on Joy's head, so she wouldn't be as homesick for Songkran. (By that time, Hanna and I already had our own water fight.)

God loves dogs

2008-04-11T13:42:00.002-05:00

The age-old arguments about cats and dogs came into some kind of focus in my mind the other day. You see, I've been thinking dangerous thoughts about the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. That led me to thinking about obedience to God.

I've been pondering this question: Is obedience stupid?

I've lived with dogs and a cat. Dogs do untold amounts of stupid tricks out of love for their owner (and of course a reward in the form of a snack). If trained properly, they obey. They can learn to do amazing feats. Eventually they learn to obey even without a treat; they obey by instinct.

Cats live their own lives. They do what they want. They too are capable of doing amazing feats, but they do it on their own for self reasons.

Many people hate dogs because, they say, dogs are stupid and cats are independent. Many other people love dogs because dogs are show more desire for your affection than cats do. (Of course, there are exceptions to these stereotypes. We are not addressing those exceptions here.)

So this leads me to think that God loves people who behave more like dogs. He would have preferred nobody would gain the knowledge of good and evil and become so painfully and awkwardly aware of their self-ness. He would have preferred, and still does prefer, less knowledgeable people responding in obedience. Of course, obedience could also lead to great feats and possibly great knowledge as well, just of a different sort - a sort that might seem silly or stupid to those of us who have lived since the Fall.

Movie Review: Becoming Jane

2008-04-10T12:30:00.003-05:00

Gains: 0 points
Nothing stands out.

Losses: 1 point
I really wanted to enjoy two of my favorite actors - Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy - but I found them to be quite boring. I blame that on the script. It was dull and beyond predictable.

Final Judgement: -1

I have a hard time describing how I feel about this movie. By the end, I was ready to go anywhere and do anything else. My expectations were pretty high from the previews I saw. I think the movie wanted to have the depth of a Jane Austin novel, but in the attempt to mimic, it actually lost its charm.

On a weird note, Hanna actually enjoyed the movie. I can think of only one other movie that I didn't like but she loved: Mona Lisa Smile. So if you liked that movie, you might like this one.

Grumpiness

2008-04-08T13:37:00.002-05:00

I don't know why, but starting Monday around noon, I became horribly, antisocially grumpy. I'm doing my best to cope. If even the slightest thing goes wrong for me, my inner grump takes over, starts to pout or rant, and basically throws a tantrum. I am doing a pretty good job keeping it interalized at this point, especially when I want to throw things (physical things, not tantrums).

A good life

2008-04-04T09:41:00.002-05:00

I continue to be amazed by all the awesome things in my life. In fact, I have so much free time and many enjoyable activities to fill it with, that I don't even really have time to do everything I enjoy.

I'm breaking it down, which is a favorite mental, statistical exercise of mine, into 5 primary activity categories: spiritual, physical, and relational activities are the main ones. Then I have mental activities like reading and writing. Then I have gaming activities--especially video games.

Each of these categories has many subcategories. My time is limited, especially when I add sleep and work to the mix. So my goal has become how to combine different primary activities. So my video gaming "small group" at church takes care of 3, as does my Ping Pong-ing. Playing disc golf takes care of 2. Walking my dog takes care of 2.

I'm stuck with so many great things in life--pity me.

My Default Personhood Scale

2008-04-02T13:40:00.006-05:00

I have recently discovered something about myself. I've discovered that, generally, my default belief is that everyone has specific motives when dealing with other people -- specifically of fair play, communication, and intelligent self-interest. I'm sure I'm forgetting some, but we'll just deal with these for the moment.

You can see already there is a problem. Communication is more of a tool. Fair play is more of a social grace. And intelligent self-interest is a "self" goal. So, I'm comparing and contrasting very different things. But they are strongly related in my mind. So if you are confused at any point, please ask, and I will try to explain.

Let's define the terms in terms of how I term the terms. Fair play means "equitable or impartial treatment", but for me it also has a chivalrous undertone marked by honor, fairness, generosity, and kindliness. Communication refers to every form of communication: verbal, physical, emotional, tonal, and word choice. Self-interest refers to the ability of someone to see what they want and do whatever it takes to get it: a form of selfishness. This is not what I mean. I add the word "intelligent" to "self-interest" to refer specifically to the ability to select the good things in life and do whatever it takes to get those. (For instance, someone who wants unmarital sex could make plans to obtain that goal; but that someone may also desire to get into heaven, a path which, when walked, doesn't lead to infidelity or degredation of the body.) Intelligent self-interest refers to proper goal selection, then doing whatever it takes to reach those goals.

You have probably already noted that many times these aspects are mutually exclusive or completely parallel or entirely unrelated to each other. Sometimes communication is overrulled by intelligent self-interest. Sometimes fair play requires you to be too honest. Sometimes you have to give up your self-interest in order to be fair, or to maintian intelligent self-interest you have to sacrifice fairness and communication. I see it as a circle graph, with each aspect touching and influencing the others to some degree.

When I first meet you, I label you according to which of the above three rules you use in your dealings with people. When I add Time to these ingredients, I begin to see what level of importance you place on each of these three pegs. This tells me a lot about your "personhood".

Generally, this is the measure I use to understand someone, and from there to build my respect or distrust for someone's motives. I will deal with motive on my next post.

Movie Review: The Butterfly Effect

2008-04-01T14:10:00.009-05:00

I will begin to review movies which I have recently seen, and perhaps you will get to know me a bit better. My rating system is entirely my own. All movie scores begin at 0 points (being neutral) before gains and losses are factored in. I'm going for as close to 0 as I feel I can, to keep the scoring more syncronized

Gains: 2 points
The Butterfly Effect has a fascinating plot, with pretty good acting. I can say that I enjoy watching Ashton Kutcher in anything. Amy Smart is also very good. The pacing and script were also worthy of mention.

Losses: 5 points
The writing, while it reaches my overall expectations, has way too much negative content. Cursing was overabundant (I get the point, now can you spare my ears?). Random nudity occurs in a couple places. Several times there was ample opportunity but it was avoided; however other times, the viewer receives a quick flash. Too much violence was shown. In a dark movie, you can gain points for tastefulness. I like dark movies that have good sense in what they show and what they merely imply. They did not do enough to censor themselves. Also, the movie felt downright malicious in its graphic nature -- even spiritually evil by the end. It was kind of disturbing.

Final Judgement: -3

Did the producers get what they wanted out of the movie? I think so. Did the dark elements contribute to the storyline? Yes, they did. The problem was that there was so much evilness and no redeeming qualities. Even the hero has to be evil to get a good resolution. They could have toned the "rawness" of the movie down a bit to make their movie more palpable to a larger audience. The movie was a blockbuster idea wrapped in filth. If they had cleaned it up a bit, I think it could have been awesome.

Final steps

2008-03-28T15:42:00.008-05:00

Well, I've finally deleted my father from my Xbox Live Friends List. Contrary to how it may appear, this step is a huge one. This hails back to a long time ago, when I first got online to play my favorite video game over the Internet. I told my dad at that time that it would be a great way to spend some quality time if he joined up. (He was already considering the idea.) Well, to make a long story much shorter, he said we would have to discuss the meaning of quality time.

Then, as they say, everything came tumbling down. My dad tinkered with the bottom of the Jenga tower we had built over the last 8 years (to be further outlined in a later post), and the whole tower fell. It seemed to take forever, endless scenes of slow motion falling, like in the Return of the King when the ring is destroyed and Sauron's castle is shattered, in annoyingly slow motion.

During this time of slow motion destruction, he went ahead and bought an Xbox 360 and called to share the news. With dismay, I considered the ramifications. He finally broke down and bought something that could have helped bring us together even more, but he did it when we were falling apart. I also considered the option that my opinion mattered little to him. See, my sister got married. Her husband and his father and brother were both on Xbox Live, and these people also pestered my dad to join. In my reasoning, he apparently joined to play with them, not me; he and I were barely speaking at that time. I wonder to this day if my dad understands how much this rankled. When it was my idea, we needed to have a discussion of terms; when it was someone else's idea and he and I were having problems, he went ahead and joined up.

So, anyway, I added him to my Friends List, where I could see when he was on and what he was playing and who he was playing with. I had no intention of playing with him while we were at odds. But I assumed that some day, things would be better. Instead, they continued in like manner, and I did not witness the evolution needed for us to reconcile.

The Xbox Live nettle drove deeper and deeper with the passage of time, until one day I decided that he may have ruined many of our important relationship building activities, but I could not let him ruin my Xbox Live experience. It had been mine alone before. It would be mine alone again. I had taken the steps of deleting all the destructive words he sent to me; one last thing remained. If seeing his name on my Friends List served only to remind me of the family I lost, then what was the point. I'm not masochistic; I take no pleasure in being abused or dominated; I have no taste for suffering. So I deleted him.

Time will heal my wounds, unless I stuff them full of bitterness. So in the name of freedom and healing, I erased the last and simplest of vestiges, not out of feelings of anger or frustration or vengeance but out of a need to let go of those feelings and cast off the sins (of my own personal thoughts and emotions) that so easily entangle. I feel more clean and ready to move on than I have for 8 years.