Seven Years

Today is the seventh anniversary of my wedding to the adorable Hanna Hosack. Some doubted that we'd make it. Some thought the timing was poor. Some frowned on the wedding for various reasons. Some, particularly some very close family, expended little effort to get to know my wife and through her to know the "me" I could and was becoming. To these people I say, you were wrong.

Many had faith in us and, even better, entrusted us to God. These people worked hard to enable us to grow as a couple, to unite us for the common good and not divide us. To these people I say, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You helped pave the road to our success.

To my wife, I say that every year is better than the year before. Our debt of love has grown as we have each grown individually through both trials and fun times. We decided early on that what we saw in other marriages and heard about through various marriage-hating media was not for us. Our marriage is much more than the sum of its participants. I am honored to share it with you. May the next seven be just as meaningful.

"Net" Theory

In case you've ever wondered what I think about when you're talking to me and my eyes look vacant, here you go.

I like to put different concepts together for fun. This synergy of ideas sometimes produces humorous results, like the "Net" theory.

Net Theory came to me out of the blue. I was thinking about our spirits and how God's Holy Spirit affects them. Somehow I got on the idea that air weighs very little and wondered if our spirits actually have weight. Then I thought about how God-filled spirits might be lighter than air. If our spirits our filled with the Holy Spirit and we have done our best to repent of our sins so we would not be so entangled in the things of this world, then when Jesus returns the Earth will tremble (as a very biblical word) and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then I considered how when Jesus returns he would probably return so fast that he would cause some sort of flux in space and time (to ancient Bible writers, this might be seen as the Earth trembling).

I like to take things literally, especially things that are meant to be figuative. When considering what kind of interesting results this all would produce, I came up with the "Net" theory. What if Jesus returns and causes an Earth-trembling flux in time and space, and what if Spirit-filled souls are lighter than sin-bound ones. The Earth could tremble and flux and, in the blink of an eye so to speak, could shudder and shrink, even for less than a single second. Because it would happen so incredibly fast, those who are lighter in spirit and are not so attached to this Earth might be hovering in the air waiting for gravity to kick in. Then Jesus would use his Holy Fish Net to scoop us up and take us to the great Fish Tank in the Sky.

Of course, many things I do are easily mockable, and this theory of mine is no exception. Please continue. :)

2nd Amendment Rights

Everybody needs to watch this video. It's 5 minutes of this lady in 2003 telling her story to Congress and excoriating them. The last line is exactly true.

O Fortuna in Carmina Burana

This may be my favorite song of all time. Trans Siberina Orchestra's version is my favorite.

Listen here:



Lyrics:

O Fortuna-----------------O Fortune,
velut luna-----------------like the moon
statu variabilis,----------you are changeable,
semper crescis-----------ever waxing
aut decrescis;------------and waning;
vita detestabilis----------hateful life
nunc obdurat--------------first oppresses
et tunc curat--------------and then soothes
ludo mentis aciem,------as fancy takes it;
egestatem,----------------poverty
potestatem----------------and power
dissolvit ut glaciem.-----it melts them like ice.

Sors immanis------------Fate - monstrous
et inanis,-----------------and empty,
rota tu volubilis,---------you whirling wheel,
status malus,-------------you are malevolent,
vana salus-----------------well-being is vain
semper dissolubilis,------and always fades to nothing,
obumbrata-----------------shadowed
et velata------------------and veiled
michi quoque niteris;----you plague me too;
nunc per ludum-----------now through the game
dorsum nudum------------I bring my bare back
fero tui sceleris.---------to your villainy.

Sors salutis----------------Fate is against me
et virtutis------------------in health
michi nunc contraria,-----and virtue,
est affectus----------------driven on
et defectus----------------and weighted down,
semper in angaria.--------always enslaved.
Hac in hora----------------So at this hour
sine mora------------------without delay
corde pulsum tangite;----pluck the vibrating strings;
quod per sortem-----------since Fate
sternit fortem,-------------strikes down the string man,
mecum omnes plangite!---everyone weep with me!

Caffeinated Sweet Death in a Can

As promised, I will highlight for you the various ailments which I think my Mt. Dew drinking was the cause of.

Jitters and Twitches: Over the last six months my body would have random skin/muscle twitches. These would occur apparently at random times, which made finding the cause quite difficult. My eyelid twich was the worst. The length of time the symptom occurred was also random. I clocked a couple muscle twitches which lasted on and off over the course of several hours. My longest single one was nearly 30 minutes. Since quitting Mt. Dew, my body has not had any twitches. I've had a couple cans of Dew while weening myself off of it, and the twitches sometimes return for a short while.

Sleep Problems: Caffeine causes sleep problems! Go figure. I could usually fall asleep pretty quickly most days, as long as I did not drink a Mt. Dew in the afternoon. The most interesting aspect of quitting the caffeine is that I wake up in the mornings well rested. I'm finding that getting out of bed is far easier than it has been in a long while. I'm more tired at normal times during the day. I'm guessing that this is normal, though also annoying with no remedy. My rest feels much more natural.

Stomach IBS: The doctor told me I had IBS when I described my symptoms. Upon changing this one aspect of my diet, I've discovered some other problems. I'm chalking this up to a similar the pain killer pill addiction that some people have--things hurt more when you go off of pain killers, but it's better for you. As long as I was hopped up on Mt. Dew, my body could not deal with some of the other garbage. The IBS is actually still in play, but soda is mostly out of the equation.

Other Organ Problems: I'm calling it my liver, but I really have no idea what exactly is wrong. I'm having an interesting sensation in my lower front left part of my abdomen, just under my belly button and slightly to the left. It feels like something is there that shouldn't be. I'm attibuting this to Mt. Dew, though it may be a larger problem (or not a problem at all, if it goes away).

Body-Reset Problem: I have no name for the biggest issue that started happening. Basically, my heart, nervous system, and breathing system would all convulse at the same time. I would feel as if everything shut down for a moment, then reboot. Definitely scary. This happened less than 10 times, but after the first time, I felt some changes were needed. Since I have, for the most part, quit Mt. Dew, I have had none of these body-reset issues.

These are the health reasons for quitting soda for one year. Also, I find that I'm much more thirsty for water, which I think is a good problem.

Pavlov'd

So I’ve been not drinking soda for 4 days now. Then my coworker Kristi opened a can of soda a little while ago, and I felt a severe compulsive urge. Luckily, I remembered my cranberry juice which is like a nicotine patch for soda addicts.

Reminds me of this:

New Year's Resolution--The Big One

Truth be told, I hate New Year's Resolutions. I despise them because people make them and break them. I despise them because a good idea is a good idea no matter what time of year it is. My usual question is Why wait until the calendar changes if it's such a good idea?

Anyway. I'm going to attempt one this year. This is a big one, so big in fact that I will need to take a couple months to prepare myself. Are you ready?

I'm going to quit soda. Yeah, that's right. My largest consumption of high fructose corn syrup is in soda. This stuff is not good for me. In fact, it's not good for anyone. So I'm going to knock out the biggest contributing factor. I'm pretty sure I feel its effects working in my body. Soda makes Hanna sick because she's been off of the poison for years. I'm going to try.

As with anything, I believe I can quit more easily than I could "cut back." So I'm going all the way on this one. I expect it will be hard. My tongue craves sweet drinks, so I will have to rely on cranberry juice to help. I only need a little bit of this juice to ease my longing. It's like the nicotine patch for soda addicts.

Keep me accountable, folks! In later blog posts, I will describe the negative effects of soda that are going on in my body.

Star Wars Marathon

We finally did it. We planned this event for three years, for shame. Yet the time came to pass where we finally watched all six Star Wars movies starting at Episode 1 and ending at the end (where else did you think we'd end it?).

It was about how I thought it would be. In a word: LONG. I don't plan on ever doing it again, but it was fun once.

Amber and Donald came over Friday, and spent the night for this event. We laid the futon cushion on the ground in our living room, which the dogs loved. All in all, 14 hours of TV in two days was fun but headachy.

All in all, I came to one conclusion that cannot be denied: many of George Lucas's ideas are the worst parts of the grand universe he created.

Penelope

Here is a long overdue post about my bleeding heart. I bike home, about 3 miles a day, 2-4 days per week. About 2.5 miles from my house, I saw the cutest puppy. (See my wife's blog for pictures.) I picked it up and biked home the rest of the way with only 1 hand steering and braking. This is much harder than you think, especially when you cross roads where through traffic does not stop.

Long story, but the crux is we gave her to my boss and her husband and their 2 teenage daughters after spending about 5 days deciding that no matter how cute the puppy is, we don't want a third dog.

Did I steal someone's puppy? Maybe. However, it was emaciated and flea ridden, and apparently had some abuse or over-zealous punishment issues in its past.

We named her Penelope for fancy occasions, with the shorter Penny for everyday use. Penny, as in, something you find on the street that someone else didn't bother to pick up or take care of.

The Neglect of My Blog

I am ashamed. Yesterday's post was my first in a month. It's not that I am lacking things to say; it's just that I spend much of my time doing homework and that uses up all my words.

Well, I'll try to remedy this problem. Keep tuned. I'll be posting more often.

Class #1 finished

Well, I fought long and hard for an A, and I got one. It seemed unfair at times, but thankfully, I now have proof that I can do school again.

I only missed 7 points in the entire class. 1 point from being late 1 day on an assignment that I didn't know about. I take about 50 percent blame for that one. The other 6 points missed were from the reading quizzes - proof that the system was unfair. How can I read and take good notes and then fail to properly answer the questions which were supposed to be designed to see if I read the material? Answer, bad questions.

Anyway, I got a 93 percent in the class. Yeah, you read that right. That means that in 5 weeks, we were only graded on 100 points of material.

Final tally: 93%

[UPDATE: I looked at it again, and I actually got a 92.96% in a class where I missed 7 points.

First, if it was 100 points total, I would have had a 93.00 percent.
Second, if it was 99 points total, I would have had a 92.92 percent.

I found the total number of points, though:

Total possible: 99.5
My total 92.5
Percent: 92.96

Go figure. I hate this teacher. Grade-wise, nothing made sense.]

Did my professor even read the book?

My first book for my first class back at Evangel for my communication degree is a pretty generic book outlining what college life will be like for adult, non-traditional students. It speaks on studying, test taking, note taking, and many other topics.

When talking about test taking, it says to skip questions you don't know the answer to, because later in the test, another question may remind you of the answer or give a jolt to your memory links - good advice and a strategy I've used since elementary school.

Our college has a different system of quiz/test taking where you can do it online. This is great for my class because we only meet for four hours once a week for five weeks. Class time is valuable. However, when taking the tests, you must answer the question in front of you. There is no going back to a previous question.

In the past, I would save for the end questions that required me to think hard. This allowed me to know exactly how much time I had to think about it, while allowing me to complete the rest of the test and not run out of time being stuck on a hard question. I guess this strategy is out too.

On another note, I just turned in my first paper. This will go along way in my mind to determining if I still have the capacity to do schoolwork.

Movie Review: Ballet Shoes

I must make an effort to write these movie reviews sooner than I have been lately, so my memory will be more fresh. Ballet Shoes is a movie based on a novel I never read. My wife says the movie covered pretty much everything she remembered in the book.

Gains: +4
Wholesome. The movie was just plain wholesome. A kind man takes in a few orphans. They run into financial difficulties when he disappears. Most of the story is about the bond between the orphans and how they need to work and break into showbiz to get by. One of the created themes is the contrast between the need for hard work and the entitlement mentality of stardom. The movie pulled it off well.

Emma Watson stars as one of the orphans. Her normal onscreen cuteness monopoly is rivaled by that of Lucy Boynton, another of the orphans - the redhead. The other actors all appeared to bring general family nature to the film cast and to the screen. This feeling ebbs into viewers and sort of makes them feel a part of this family.

Losses: -0
At times some of the orphans get a little snitty or snotty, but the issue is properly addressed in the movie by other characters who used either slightly passive-aggressive chiding (by peers) or kind scolding by a motherly figure. The behavior was not tolerated by the other characters, thus making the bad attitudes a gain instead of a loss in this review.

Final Judgement: +4

While not action packed, Ballet Shoes had enough drama and endearing qualities to make it interesting. It's definitley worthy of a second look, though not too soon. The movie deals with serious issues relating to growing up, doing so by focusing on more positive aspects like helping the family out, hard work, facing the lure of stardom, not giving up in the face of difficulty or adversity, treating others as actual people despite their success or failure. I'm tired of a recent trend I've noticed in Hollywood to portray abuse and neglect as the norm, while deceit and self-focus are portrayed as natural responses to hardship.

I'm sure I have a good point in there somewhere, but you may need to interpret my intent.

The Point When You Realize...

Have you ever witnessed the point where you realize the person you are talking to doesn't know a thing about computers? How about when you know that person sits in front of their computer all day, probably making a mess of things?

I was on the phone with a lady who was trying to add information to a PDF form. I took her through the steps on how to save it. I reminded her to save it where she can remember it. I reminded her to just put in a number in the numberical field she was wanting to fill in. Then we did a "Save As...."

When she went back to look for it, she asked me if it saves as a PDF. I told her that a PDF form saves as a PDF, yes. Then she went to where she thought she put it and said she would have to open all the files there because she didn't know what the name of the file was. I reminded her that the name of the file was on the emailed document she received. Then she opened it up and, surprise, the information wasn't there!

At this point, my faith in her abilities was long gone. I had her forward the email to me with the attachment. I put the changes in, saved it, and the information stayed there. I hope this is a progam error and not her error. That would be sad.

Interview

I've been anxious to post this. I had an interview last week for a full editor's position for a different company. I'm expectantly waiting to hear back today. If I get this job, then God is directing me toward certain goals--ones that have far-reaching changes in store.

My heart brims with expectant hopefullness, which will crash magnificently if I don't get the job. My boss knows about this interview. She told me she hopes I don't get the job. She said this in the complementary way, as in "I like you working here in my office and I don't want to have to replace you."

P.S. If you are a coworker of mine and you are reading this, the information is not common knowledge, so please keep it to yourself. :)

Sick as a dog and my first test

I'm so fatigued. I'm sick and taking cough medicine to help me sleep at night. The side effect of getting good cough-mediciny rest is that it carries over all day long.

I have my first test since returning to college. It's a 10-question "test" over 8 chapters of a book. It's worth 15% of my grade.

No pressure.

Movie Review: Vantage Point

Finally got to see this movie. The premise intrigued me. Here we go!

Gains: +3
The action was intense from the opening scene. The acting was decent, but not as good as I expected from the high caliber cast. The movie surprised me a couple times. Just when you think you got a handle on what's going on, they change the equation in a way that avoids feeling contrived. The script kept my interest throughout. The violence was prevalent but not overdone, except for showing the main shooting which the story is built around several times. Even that fits into the way they were trying to portray the movie.

Losses: -1
This movie has a surprising amount of action and almost zero amount of motive. Lots of people are making decisions in a world-changing scenario, and the audience is not allowed to know why. As the previews show, the entire movie is based around the assassination of the sitting President of the United States. You are never told why the people want him killed or what their ultimate goals are. Their plan is detailed and intricate, but why take the risk? Why are certain people conspiring together? Why do certain characters behave in certain ways? Cause A leads to Effect A, but what internal motives are ascribed to the cause? In other words, what caused Cause A? The viewer is never shown.

Judgement: +2

All in all, Vantage Point is entertaining, but it ultimately lacked the one element which would have elevated it to the rank of other great action movies. Worth watching, though, in my opinion, but just once.

First Day of School!

Thank God the first day of school is now behind me. For those of you who don't know, I'm beginning classes for a Communications degree. Basically, every Thursday night for the next 22 months I will be in class from 6 to 10.

I'm glad the first class is done. My anxiety has dissolved, like excitement before a long trip that turns into road hardiness once you climb into the car.

It's going to be a long 22 months, that's for sure.

A Legacy of Fear

This post is about the Legacy of Fear my father instilled in me that haunts me to this day.

The story goes that while I was a teenager, I would have deep "getting into God" times. These are the times where I would be reading my Bible and praying consistently. When I'm in these times, I'm sensitive to His Spirit. I don't read and pray on a schedule. Instead, I feel the small nudges on my soul as God asks me to spend time with Him. So I do, and the times are rich beyond measure.

Every so often I would fall off the wagon and have to learn it all over again. Then the cycle's intensity began to increase. I would get close, then something would happen and I'd fall off the wagon again, over and over, quicker and quicker.

It took me a couple years to realize that I was being pushed off. Every time I got close to God and really began to seek Him, my earthly father would become angry at something and go into one of his tirades. In these times, he became oppressive. He would look for tiny details of my life that caused him displeasure, and then he would squeeze. Most of the time he focused on stupid stuff. He would search my bedroom or look closely at my behavior just to find something to pick on. None of it was necessary. None of the things were terrible or even bad, they just were just things for him to control. These times sparked incredible anger and frustration in me, which in turn cut me off from God.

A pattern emerged. I became aware of it and began to test it. I'd go 3 months without devotions, then I would start them and observe the results. Within 1 week, my father would explode. After 1.5 years of testing, the results were conclusive. It was terrible. It was predictable. And ultimately, it was successful. A Legacy of Fear was born.

I lost the battle. I told God that I couldn't speak to Him under these conditions. I surrendered to the persecution and despaired. Around this time, I saw a movie which put forth a premise that really described how I was feeling. In the movie, the antagonist says, "Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers baled, what does that tell you about God?" I knew in my brain that he was wrong, because the premise is based in our perspective not on the personhood of God.

Still, the Legacy of Fear reigned in my life. It's control was devastating. I lost my muse. I lost my optimism. I lost my innocense. It wasn't all bad. I also lost my ignorance. I lost my arrogance. I lost my judgementalism. In essence, I became a different person.

The irony is that when I'm around God or when I read my Bible, my muse awakens. My ability to feel compassion and empathy and my ability to express myself in poetry rise from the ashes of my past and fill me with a vibrance I thought was long gone.

Yet the Legacy of Fear remains, like the White Witch's neverending winter without Christmas. So here I am, longing for the warmth of God's presence but trapped in icy fear. It's not courage I lack. I lack a careless stupidity, a free spirit persona, that would allow me to try to approach God again. I know that if I decide to do so, within 1 week, my father, who I have not talked to in over 4 months, would return with all his garbage, ready to unload some of it on my life.

I much prefer quietly dying of thirst rather than pulling the trigger of the gun someone is pointing at my head. This is melodramatic, of course, but the imagery seems apropos. Still, somewhere deep in my soul, my muse cries out to God. I keep telling it to be quiet, to not disturb the controlled calm I've managed to scrape together. Part of me wants God to stomp into my dark room and shed some light, but another part of me just wants to be left alone. My model for God is tainted, and I have trouble imagining a God who loves me despite my faults.

This song works pretty well for describing my feelings and also my hope. The verses are in one voice and the chorus and bridge are another voice's response.



In my hands
A legacy of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can almost see your smile
Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Sweet darling you worry too much, my child
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are

Never thought
This day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you are not at my side
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?

Sweet darling you worry too much, my child
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are

So sorry your world is tumbling down
I'll watch you through these nights
Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this is not our farewell.
This is not our farewell.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

Friday I saw this movie for the second time. The Dark Knight, the sequel to Batman Begins, is much darker than its predecessor. In fact, this movie was more visceral than many movies I have seen recently. Given this movie's blockbuster records and the fact that it has potential to be the highest grossing movie ever, I figured I should review it.

Gains: +10
The plot and graphic nature of the script danced with an R rating but never stepped over the line. This tightrope walk gave you all the benefits of experiencing the danger and horror while sparing you the gory details. The layered plot was even more savory on the second viewing and whetted my appetite for future viewings. The idea of a terrorist bringing a city to its knees in fear is compelling, but just when hope hangs by its thinnest thread, great decisions are made and great deeds are performed, and not just by Batman. I hate when movie scripts give me reasons to pity villians. These reasons usually whitewash the villian's own choices. The tangled web of conflicting stories the Joker tells gives you more a view into his mindset and goals than into his past. He seemingly comes from out of nowhere and began his campaign against the natural order of his society. This appeared to be more a case of plot function than of oversight.

The Joker is amazing. Rarely does anyone overcome the hype. Heath Ledger crushed the hype beyond anything I have ever witnessed. Too bad he died. I loved the cast: every single character had meaningful lines and roles. The movie was 2.5 hours long and none of the space felt wasted. For the first time in a long time, I felt in real time how long the movie actually was, but I was not interested in having it end.

Without giving anything away, I have to say that the ending of the movie gave me chills. In self-sacrifice Batman gives up the portion of his character he holds most dear, for the good of his city. His reasoning: because his Batman persona can shoulder the responsibility.

The movie is violent, but even after two viewings I cannot remember any blood. This is a small point, but it's a critical hinge, I think. A character is horribly mutilated, but the terrible scarring is more fascinating than disturbing. Though the injury changes him, the guy is still the same man with the same issues he had before his disfigurement.

Losses: -2
The movie is dark and sinister. While this adds a couple points, it also gets logged as a loss. I'm totally okay with darker plots, but for those who are more sensitive, this will take away from the movie. Truth be told, the movie is more sinister than actually scary. Of course, for kids this movie could be nightmare inducing. You are warned. The darkness is not for effect, it serves a purpose in the plot. When things get muddled, when you stare darkness and chaos in the face, only then do you see the true hero reveal himself.

The movie is violent. Even the good guy does massive amounts of violence to bad guys, even as he tries to hold onto his rule of never killing people. The Joker lets nothing stand in his way to total chaos. He will kill anyone or entice people to kill each other in order to achieve his ends.

Edit: After Amber's comment about Katie Holmes and Maggie G., I felt I needed to address it in the blog. Maggie G. is one of my favorite actors. Katie Holmes is not. But after watching the Katie/Christian Bale chemistry and then seeing the Maggie/Bale version, I have to say that Katie was much better for the role. The character Rachel has a critical role in the film, and it would have worked far better if Katie had the role. The chemistry between Batman/Bruce Wayne and Rachel needed Katie Holmes.

Final Judgement: +8
Moral themes ooze abundantly from the pores of this movie but never get preachy or removed from the story. This gives the movie depth way beyond even good Hollywood movies. More viewings of The Dark Knight will help me determine if I think it deserves to replace Serenity as my most favorite movie. It's definitely in my Top 10, which means I will have to look at the list to decide what gets bumped off. Even if you have reservations about seeing it, I would highly recommend that you give it a viewing.

Suspiciously familiar

Watch this 5-minute speech.



Only a couple years later, inflation was down and the "energy crisis" was solved by a president who was more optimistic and believed in the greatness of America. This speech makes me think about how doctors a long time ago used to try to cure people by bleeding them. You don't cure ills by removing the lifeblood of people or of countries. When we had major fuel changes from trees to coal and from coal to gas, each was an advancement. When we have another form of energy that's cheaper to produce, gets greater productivity per dollar spent on acquisition, and is cleaner (for those who are environmentally minded), then the world will change.

I've heard nuclear energy may be the key, but I don't know enough about it. Some say "Chernoble," like that's what will happen to every nuclear facility. It was a Russian facility that cut corners and had poor safety procedures. It was bound to fail. Some talk about Three Mile Island as "our Chernoble," but no one died and it was far less dramatic.

Anyway, does Carter remind you of a current someone? Someone who perhaps thinks that filling up our tires properly will help? He said that in a speech here in Springfield. It may help our cars get a little more out of each tank of gas, but the prices at the pump will not quake and fall because of well-filled tires.

We need new energy that's cheaper and better and cleaner. If nothing fits that mold, then we need more old energy.

God is merciful...oh, and I almost killed a man

Mornings for me are usually rough because I'm not a morning person. Grogginess is my total mindset. However, this morning, from almost the minute I woke up, my mind rewarded me with a wonderful playing of "Shadow of the Day" by Linkin Park, a peaceful ballad. The song worked itself into my mind and soothed my grogginess. It filled me to the point that I shut off my car radio as I climbed behind the wheel to head to work.

"The shadow of the day will embrace the world in grey..." was the refrain setting my mind at peace and focusing me on the road in front of me when I noticied a bicyclist 100 yards ahead of me. I noticed him, because he kept looking over his shoulder, wobbling each time - once as the car in front of me passed him, twice to look at me, three times as I got much closer. A motorcycle and two cars were coming in the opposite direction with a little spacing between them. As I approached the bicyclist, my serenity-elevated alertness caused me to watch this guy more closely. I noticed his tires twitch a few times as I got nearer, like he was an amateur who had too many other things to focus on other than where his tires were aimed. He was in my lane going in my direction - another sign that he was an amateur biker.

So I'm cruising along at 30 mph with my eyes glued to this guy. I try to time my passing of him for a small break in the oncoming traffic, so I can give the bicyclist as much extra room as possible. When I'm within 20 feet of him, I slide over into the other lane a smidge. Just as I do that, the bicyclist turns left, directly across both lanes of traffic and right in front of me, apparently turning into the lane that intersected our lane.

I slammed my brakes. I swerved. My tires skidded. Thank God for anti-lock breaks. (I was in our Intrepid, so stopping time is much greater (when measured in inches) than our smaller car.) The biker did not turn his head to see me until he heard the tires squeal. Now this took less than a second, but still.... Anyway, he freaked and turned his bicycle wheel parallel to my adjusted path. His momentum and my momentum carried us into each other. However, our adjustments meant he only received a glancing blow to his front bike tire.

The truck in the oncoming had enough time to stop to let the biker, who was still on his bike and had not been knocked over, pull back across the road and climb off. I waited until the truck passed us and pulled over to the biker and asked if he was okay. He said, "You hit my damn bike!" He said, "I had my arm out like this" and held his left arm out in the gesture of turning left. I said I did not see his arm, not mentioning the fact that I believe he did not raise his hand to signal a turn. I thought it best not to argue blame at that point, considering he was probably in shock from nearly dying. He repeated, "You hit my damn bike!" I said I realized that. I asked him if he was hurt. He looked like he wanted me to protest innocense and get mad at him, but I did neither. He said he was not hurt. I looked at his bike, which appeared to have no damage to it. So I looked him in the eyes and said "I'm sorry" and left when his body language appeared to accept my apology.

As I stated here, I had watched him very closely for 100 yards because something about his handling of his bike was making me nervous. I never saw his arm come out, and while he was talking to me, I noticed he was holding a partially full plastic shopping bag in his other hand - yet another sign of an amature bicycle operator. So holding out his left arm while controlling the bike with his right hand which was holding something would have been very difficult.

Anyway, I nearly killed a man, which is pretty traumatic for me. Yet, my mind was at peace prior, so I had clarity and focus not grogginess. My reaction time was nearly instantaneos because I was wary of him. I had no huge spike of adrenaline to use up because, as a good driver, I was as prepared as possible for him to do something unpredictable.

And the song continued in my head afterward, almost as if it was ordained by God to be my companion to sharpen my mind for what He knew was coming and to reassure me afterward. I could not have been more ready to avoid the biker than I was. Praise God!

Read this PG-13 article

Could you have sex every day for a year? Check out this lady's birthday gift to her husband. The article is fascinating from start to finish. Most everyone, including her hubby, didn't think it could be done.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1033911/Could-make-love-husband-day-year.html

Don't forget to come back here and comment on it.

The Truth

I love this article. Honest and true to both sides of the aisle (or is it isle?). Some people buck the stereotype, but stereotypes are people too.

http://www.creators.com/opinion/lenore-skenazy/cell-phone-holdouts-are-right-buy-a-phone-become-a-baby.html

BTW, I'm planning to begin writing more. I'm feeling more wordy now that a couple weeks have passed since I worked on that letter. I think I've said what I needed to be said, and that I don't actually need it to be heard by my father. Thanks for your advice!

No posts lately

I have not been posting lately because most of my creative energy has been going into writing a letter to my dad. This leaves my mind scourgified of words and increases my brain's Halo 3 requirements.

I'm unsure if I will send the letter because it's mainly for me and my peace of mind. The goal is accomplished. The arguments that were filling up my mind are quieted. I can now look at the letter any time I feel like obsessing and feel like I've spoken my piece.

Of course, this does nothing for the relationship. As long as I don't send the letter, nothing changes and my father remains insignificant in his forced silence.

So, the question is this: Do I keep the letter to myself and just let the tide of time scrub away the emotional aspect of the loss of my family? Or do I send the letter and risk more frustration and other worse emotions in order to give my father the chance to give me the parental relationship I've always needed but rarely gotten?

Of course, this is my decision, but feel free to sound off.

Alone in a Crowded Church

My wife and I have a continuing problem of not finding a niche in a church. We don't have kids. We're both homebodies of a sort.

Meeting people is not a huge problem (though it is an obstacle), but what does it take to have other church members take a genuine interest in you? We've always lacked any sort of Christian mentorship or couple-to-couple friendship from church members. (We have some of that from great college friends, but I'm not talking about them.) It does not matter if we are participating in church activities or ministering to others or just warming pews, there just seems to be a lack of personal interest from surrounding people.

Everyone has their own lives. But I wonder how many other people feel as I do. I wonder how many of them I sit next to in church.

I'm capable of skipping church frequently because I know that nobody will miss me when I'm gone and those who would miss me don't go to my church.

Halo 3--Educational?

I am bored at work (and for the first time in a long time I'm bored and have no work!), so I'm reading articles and catching up on my daydreaming. For those who don't know, one of my favorite video games is the entire Halo series, a First-Person Shooter (FPS) game where you run around and kill aliens and save the world. I'm pretty good at FPS games, but I'm also very critical of them. This game quickly rises to the forefront of it's cohorts for many reasons, which I won't list.

Check out this cool article I discovered:

Why Halo 3 is more educational that “intellectual” games.
by Mike Caulfield

I always *felt* like I should be a gamer. After all, I built educational games for a good portion of my career — first for children (reading readiness software), then for Columbia University and Cable & Wireless, where the name of the game was social simulations — choose-your-own-adventure style scenarios where you interacted with professional environments — and if you made the wrong decision you could bring your team/company/state/country down with you.

So I tried to play recreational computer games. I really tried. Since I like to solve puzzles I kept buying PC based “adventure” games. And since I’m not a violent sort I steered away from the gore.

But every game I played seemed like the same game. And that game was “Try to figure out what the game designer thought an appropriate action would be in this context.”

I’m sure you know this game. It starts with you watching a film intro, and then some objective is voiced. Maybe you have to get to Room 306 or something. Maybe you have to find the crystal ionizer.

So you walk around a room, and the first steps come easy. Wow, there’s a note there! What does it say?

But then you try to exit the room for 30 minutes without success. Why won’t that door open? Am I at the wrong door?

And then the answer, stupid me, would be that the card under the coffee cup was actually a key card for the door. It goes (don’t you know) in the slot you saw on the floor on the other side of the room.

That’s thirty minutes of my life I’m not going to get back. And it’s thirty minutes of trying to guess what an “appropriate” solution is.

Worse, it’s thirty minutes of trying to figure out what an “appropriately creative” solution is. And that’s just maddening.

So I gave up on games for a while. Until one week I decided to borrow my brother’s XBox and see what the hullaballoo about Halo 3 was. And from the moment I started playing it, I realized I had it backwards on games.

Whatever your feeling about the subject matter, the battle games are the educational games. Why? Because as you run through scenarios dying repeatedly, you are forced to look at the thing, not from the perspective of WWGDD (What would game designers do?) but from the perspective of systems analysis. Have you chosen the correct weapons to make it through the hall? Would a short range weapon with a bigger kick be more appropriate? Are you dying because you are trying to take out too many of the enemy before proceeding — or do maybe you need to dash through *more* quickly? Is the risk of making the dash to the weapons cabinet worth the pay off here? What’s the optimum route through the level?

You have resources and potential paths. You can combine them in ways the game designer might not expect. There are multiple working paths to any achievement. You play co-op mode with others, and you develop team strategies (”You go this way with the gravity hammer and I’ll snipe with the 50 cal…”). And every time you die (which if you are me, is a *lot*), you evaluate that crucial question Seth Godin refers to as the question of “The Dip”: Is my set of tactics sound, but requiring more polish in execution? Or is my approach fundamentally flawed?

And, again, you do this all by studying the way the system operates instead of playing a senseless game of WWGDD.

You may find the content disturbing. Personally, as silly as it may sound, I can’t play games where I’m shooting realistic humans in a current war. I have to shoot aliens, or people so far back in history that I’m removed from the geopolitical implications.

It’s an odd line, but somehow it works for me.

But strip away concerns about the violence and the process of playing Halo or Gears of War is more educational, and will teach you more about analyzing problems than any “intellectual” game on the market. There’s an honesty to these games, and within tight constraints, an emergent element. No, it’s not Spore, or Civilization IV. And you can’t build your own weapons or design your own level (it turns out you can design your own level, see comments). You can’t mashup elements from other games into Halo.

But you can study a system that operates in a discoverable way, and develop an approach that makes the best use of tools and available cover. You can develop a strategy that it’s just possible no one has discovered before. That beats trying to figure out what cleverly hidden object you need to open a door any day of the week.

http://mikecaulfield.com/2008/05/23/why-halo-3-is-more-educational-than-intellectual-games/

Of course! That's why I've always liked it! In all seriousness, the Halo games really do rise above most of the competition in what they allow you to do.

Out of Gas Planet

I've been pondering a couple incidental pieces of information I have heard recently. (Truth is I haven't researched it very much, though I plan to. I just like the mental exercise that the following thoughts provide.)

The first piece of information I heard is that Saudi Arabia is beginning to pump ocean water across overland and then deep into the ground into their underground oil wells. They are using a certain technology or mechanism to put the water there to raise the oil to where they can reach it. This was taken to mean that they may be running low on, and may soon run out of, oil.

April 22, 2008, 1:59 pm
Peak Oil? Saudis Squeeze the Stone Even Harder
Posted by Keith Johnson

As oil reserves get harder and more expensive to suck out of the ground, one big question looms: Is Saudi Arabia facing “practical peak oil” or the real thing?

Saudi Arabian officials made waves last week with an announcement that the kingdom would voluntarily limit future oil production, in order to leave oil wealth “for future generations.” Last weekend, Saudi officials said that the world’s biggest oil producer won’t be diving into new exploration projects after next year, citing sluggish Western demand and the search for alternative fuels to petroleum.

So are the Saudis smartly shepherding their oil resources? Or are they obliquely acknowledging that getting them out of the ground will be increasingly difficult and expensive?

Neil King in the WSJ reports today (sub reqd.) on the challenges facing Saudi Aramco as it launches its last big project before taking an upstream hiatus: The tricky development of the big Khurais field, which could pump more than 1 million barrels of oil per day. The paper says:

Even in Saudi Arabia, home to more than a quarter of the world’s known recoverable reserves, the age of cheap and easily pumped oil is over. To tap Khurais, Saudi Arabian Oil Co., known as Aramco, has embarked on the most complex earth- and water-moving project in its history. It is spending up to $15 billion on a vast network of pipes, oil-treatment facilities, deep horizontal wells and water-injection systems that it calls “one of the largest industrial projects being executed in the world today.”

With crude oil approaching $120 despite sluggish demand growth in the U.S., the idea of “peak oil”—that the world’s oil glass is already half-empty—is increasingly gaining currency. Other once-formidable oil producers like Russia, the U.K., and Mexico are all seeing production decline as fields age. While Aramco has been very good at squeezing the maximum amount of oil out of each reservoir, even the world’s biggest oil producer is finding that it’s no longer shooting fish in a barrel:

“Khurais and [offshore field] Manifa are the last two giants in Saudi Arabia,” says Sadad al-Husseini, a former Aramco vice president for oil exploration. “Sure, we will discover dozens of other smaller fields, but after these, we are chasing after smaller and smaller fish.”

Unlike previous mammoth fields, Khurais needs a push while it’s still young—in the form of sea-water injection to get wells pumping. And that’s tricky business: Aramco seismologists spent years poring over rock formations to build their gameplan.

It’s costly, too: The paper reports that Saudi costs for adding new oil production have quadrupled in recent years, from $4,000 for each new barrel per day of capacity to about $16,000 for each additional barrel.

As Western leaders implore OPEC to boost production, and the OPEC producers with the most play coy, the question remains: How much play is really left in the global spigot?

http://blogs.wsj.com/environmentalcapital/2008/04/22/peak-oil-saudis-squeeze-the-stone-even-harder/trackback/

The second bit was something I read. It was predicted that if China continues over the next 20 years to experience the same rate of growth it has had over the past 20 years, then they would require per day the entire amount of oil currently produced per day in the world.

So, I've been thinking about the possibility that maybe the Earth's supply is finite and what that would mean in escatological terms. I may read Revelations again just to see if it's hinted.

PS. I don't necessarily want to turn this into a Velikovsky discussion, but I thought it would be worth mentioning. If Velikovsky's research is to be believed and oil and/or natural gas was introduced to Earth by the passing comet, now planet, Venus, then it would make sense that we have a finite amount left in the earth.

Movie Review: Prince Caspian

This remake to one of my favorite children's book series books was not a children's movie. You can write about battles all you want, but actual killing is never as noble or cool as when you write about it. Even movie killing, though still fake, is more horrific and "adult" than children should see.

Gains: +7
This movie, though violent, showed little blood and toned down the horror of battle about as much as is possible without showing an empty screen. The acting was great, from the children to the dwarves to the adults and even the CGI characters. CGI characters usually seem to act according to what the animators think is cool. This gives them an element of unusualness that really shatters my normal, easily-held suspension of disbelief. I think the reason for this movie's success was the contributions of WETA in making actual costumes for the fantastical creatures. The CGI animators then focused on making the animated versions similar to the costuming. It worked flawlessly. The mouse was the only one who was fully animated, and they didn't focus too much on his acting ability.

The story was rewritten and deviated quite a bit from the book. Normally, I hate when Hollywood does this, but that is because they change themes, plot, and characters in such a way that the story is diminished. Prince Caspian, in my opinion, expounded on these story qualities and succeeded in their rewrite. The dialogue was hilarious. The movie took it's time setting up and built to a great battle scene at the end.

Losses: -2
The wrap up at the end was a little melodramatic and felt stitched on. Also, I really hate Aslan's voice. Liam Neeson just doesn't have a deep enough tone to his voice, and Aslan's voice has no growl to it. It just sounds like Liam Neeson talking, which makes me cringe - the king of lions with light, smoothe, Irish-accented English words.

Final Judgement: +5

Loved this movie. It had all the elements I could really enjoy and kept up the suspension of disbelief. You could definitely tell that Lewis and Tolkien were influenced by each other and other similar elements. I hope I never hear ignorant people saying how this movie was just copying LOTR. Anyway, great movie. I will maybe even see it again before it hits the video stands.

The Aged Pianist

Chapel services at my workplace are usually boring affairs. I usually close my eyes and try not to nod embarrassingly when I fall asleep. I have nothing against the speakers - they usually seem to have put a lot of effort into their messages. However, chapel is every single Tuesday, at 8:00 in the morning. I'm not an early morning person, and the consistent Tuesdays have bred into me a general complacency.

Hilton Griswold changed that for me, at least for today. He was introduced as an 86-year-old gospel singer who toured with a group of 6 guys.

Hilton walked slowly to the piano. His back was hunched and his head hung forward. Arthritically he sat down and made an old-person joke. His age showed right up until the moment when he played the first chord on the piano.

His hands began to dance along the keys, bringing forth a spritely gospel tune. Then Hilton began to sing. By the end of the song, he had sung each part of a 6-person male gospel chorus singing group. Hilton's range stretched from the deepest bariton to a high tenor and alternated repeatedly. Though his age was apparent in his voice, it lent a richness that can only come from years of singing.

When he finished, he rotated slowly on the piano bench, then placed both gnarly hands on both wobbly knees and pushed himself into his feet. With his back still hunched over, he made his way slowly to his seat behind the piano, an old man once again.

Hilton Griswold's performance has changed my mind about Tuesday morning chapels, at least until next week.

The Wasp

I was sitting in my study playing my favorite video game, when a wasp landed on my window screen. This screen has a three-inch long slit that is less than a half-inch wide. The wasp landed right on the bottom lip of the gap and stuck it's head in to look around.

I reached over to flick it on the head, but before I could, it stepped into the house as if the slit was an open invitation.

Not wanting to take my eyes off it, I yelled for Hanna to "grab the flyswatter...and the RAID." Then when she didn't show up within 5 seconds, I yelled for her to hurry. The wasp buzzed angrily in my general direction, no doubt planning what patch of skin would be the best place to holster it's stinger.

Hanna came rushing in like an angel of death or, more accurately, the assistant to the angel of death who carries the angel's scythe for him. She handed me the death implements. I turned and fired the RAID spray at point-blank range at the wasp. It began to buzz in ever increasing panic as the poison set in. Still, I was not satisfied because I have seen wasps shake off the spray and fly off. So I hit it hard with the swatter, cracking it against the screen. It fluttered to the windowsill but amazingly was still walking around. So I doused it with more of the spray, thinking that the poison now had a chance to penetrate through the cracks in the fiend's armor. Then I gave it one last clubbing for good measure.

As I stood there, basking in my victorious achievement, I thought about the movie Grosse Pointe Blank and how similar my situation was to when Martin Blank shot a guy (who was trying to kill him) and clubbed him with a frying pan, then shot him again and clubbed him again just to make sure - except that my gun was a can of RAID and my frying pan was a flyswatter.

3 new posts and say hello to a college student

This is just a note to tell you that I just reviewed 3 movies in a row. My life has been pretty boring other than that, so I've not had much to post.

I also wanted to tell you that I've been accepted into Evangel's Degree Completion Program, where I will seek to obtain a second bachelor's degree, this one in the field of communication. Pray for me. I begin September 18 and go solid for 22 months.

Movie Review: Atonement

Gains: +3
I have to talk about the musical score of this movie. Un-freaking-believable. The composer wove sounds from the story, like a typewriter or someone beating on the hood of a car, into his music. For example, check it out here [Update: Embed failed, so here's a link.]:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXoFtTZTJAw

The young actress Saoirse Ronan, who played the equally young Briony Tallis, was great. She really outshined James McAvoy and Keira Knightly in her portion of the movie. I really got into the first half of this movie, though Hanna didn't. It was fast paced and different from most movies in its conceptual filming style.

Losses: -4
Then the young Briony Tallis character grows up and the movie grows stale. World War 2 never looked so boring. The characters were disjointed and never really connected to each other again. By the end of the movie, when I anticipate at least the feelings of "Great! At least it's over!" there was a surprise twist ending. A movie that was sinking fast found one last way to inspire contempt.

Aside from that, there was one extended annoying sex scene in the first half of the movie. Now, I'm more okay with these kind of scenes if they are plot-based ("more okay" like "hey, at least this disgusting black licorice at least has a satisfying chewable quality"), this scene would have been much more palpable if, as I expected, the movie turned out to be pretty good. Nope. It was lame. The scene turned out to be nothing more than irresponsible junk.

Final Judgement: -1

This movie would have flopped horribly if not for the awesome soundtrack. The first half was great, so if you want to watch just that part, I will clue you in to how it ends - badly. This movie further solidified my view that from here on out, I will mostly only watch movies that have been recommended to me in some form or fashion. On a different topic, it makes me sad to see how skinny and curveless Keira Knightly has gotten.

Movie Review: Expelled

This movie was more of a documentary of Ben Stein's journey into the world of socialist academia than a real movie. Since it's a different sort of movie, I will just say this: I would recommend it to everyone.

We've had lots of "documentaries" recently that seem politically based, but more in the sense of shutting the opposition up, or closing the door on communication, or making fun of a situation. This did not feel like any of those. The idea of opening the doors of discussion and debate for all sides to be heard is repeated often throughout the movie.

I found it entertaining and informative and well done.

Movie Review: Michael Clayton

Gains: +2
This movie was great in the middle. Suspense and politics carried the day during the middle. Two conversations, in particular, in the middle (and one at the end) were worthy of note. They carried the movie incredibly. I always enjoy watching George Clooney. He even makes bad movies into tolerable ones.

Losses: -4
I cannot understand what is to like about a bunch of morally bankrupt people. Let me list them (spoilers alert): a lawyer realizes all the horrible things he had done, tries to do something good-ish, and gets killed for it; a lady lawyer works for a reprehensible company and sells her (apparently worthless) soul to save her company what is due it; a main character has a gambling addiction and sells out a man he respects to get money to cover his debt, then after an attempt on his life because he knows too much, he gets even by turning his evidence over to the police in a sting operation. Please note that his character never changes, just his tactics, thus rendering the movie morally vacant. The beginning was slow and the end was - meh - two thumbs horizontal. There were a couple of other moments of things I did not want to witness or hear or even repeat here.

Final Judgement: -2

A good movie to watch if you are captured by terrorists and have nothing better to do. They may even decide to work it into your torture regimen. This movie made me start thinking that I may begin only watching movies that come with some kind of recommendation. I am curbing my list to, with a few exceptions, this new guideline.

A Bird in the Hand

Monday, I was walking past my workplace building, picking up something for my boss, when I heard a loud thump above me. Glancing to my right, my eyes caught movement as a bird landed in the middle of Campbell Street with a splat. Traffic was nonexistent for the moment, so I made my way over to the poor bird. It looked dead. It's eyes were open and it was not moving. I thought it's neck was broken from hitting a window several stories up. The fall could have also killed it. As I reached for it, however, the bird fluttered about a foot away and landed on it's chest. I lunged and captured it as gently as I could.

The bird decided I was not causing it pain, so it ceased to struggle and sat calmly in my open palm. It was less than half the size of my open hand, so I could easily carry it and hide it with both hands, if need be. I took a close look at it. The iridescent feathers were dark blue around the head, becoming lighter blue down toward the tail. The bird is known as an Indigo Bunting.

I showed this bird off to the ladies, who were where I picked up what I was sent to get. I showed it off to an employee on my floor who was arriving late. The entire time, the bird sat comfortably and calmly in my open hand. Then I thought my office would enjoy seeing it. Only my boss and one other were in, so no pictures were taken (usually documented by a particular person who was at the dentist on Monday). I made sure to keep the bird secured, just in case it suddenly got flighty.

After a minute of showing off, I took the bird back downstairs and outside. It struggled a bit on the ride down the elevator, so I thought it had recovered from it's shock. Once outside, I removed my covering hand and it perched gently on one of my fingers, grasping it like a tree branch. It stood there for a minute, not minding me a bit. However, when I reached for it again with my empty hand, it startled (as only birds can do) and sprang off my finger and into the air. I watched it fly far away.

The End.

PS. I did take note of several coincidences. First, I just happened to be walking there at the right moment. Second, Campbell had been busy only a minute before the bird hit the road, but it was strangely devoid of cars afterward. Third, I was wearing a deep blue shirt. Surely the bird thought I was the mythical Indigo Bunting god, sent to save it from being squished. I imagine tales of me are being sung even now in Bunting lore.

Popularity and Wealth and Happiness

I feel sad when I ponder the Hollywood types, as I imagine them receiving enormous wealth and popularity, and yet discovering that they have not found happiness. I've heard countless stories of people compromising their morals, and thus degrading their souls, in an effort to reach a goal they think will bring them happiness. The cruel joke is that, en route, they give up that which could make them happy.

I would love to be wealthy. But not at that cost.

Review: Goya's Ghosts

Gains: +4
I love period pieces. This film is set during the time of the Spanish Inquisition. I am inclined to add a point to the movie as a result. Javier Bardem portrays his excellent character-acting ability. Natalie Portman does emotional acting very well, even though she does not seem to have the ability to speak with an accent. The plot bobbed and weaved tantalizingly throughout the movie and did well maintaining viewer interest. Though the subject matter was dark, the movie actually had an element of restraint when dealing with the darker images.

Losses: -6
Having said that, there still were a lot of bad elements in the movie. Nudity and violence seemed to be part of the time period. Though neither was glorified and restraint seemed to be the rule, this film still had strong elements of both. While the acting was generally strong, the mix of accents was a terrible distraction. Javier has a perfect Spanish accent to go with the Spain setting (probably because he is a Spanish actor). The Queen of Spain also uses a Spanish accent. However, the King of Spain, played by Randy Quaid, has an American accent. Natalie Portman has several variations of an American accent. Stellan Skarsgard, who played Goya, had his typical not quite Scandinavian accent. Overall, the mix was quite humorous and ridiculous.

So the movie takes you further and further into a dark plot, one filled with twists and horrible situations. A character goes insane, another is executed, another is a prostitute, many are killed in war, and just when you need a ray of sunshine, the movie ends. It seemed that they ran out of film in the camera or a major actor died or something tragic happened on the set, but alas no, they just forgot to write an ending. As soon as the credits rolled, I listed 4 things they could have done to give it a decent ending. They did none of them. So, with no point to the whole plot, the most easy straw to grasp at is that the movie was just a slam against the Catholic church, which of course is obviously full of evil people with evil purposes. Everyone "knows" the Catholics never did anything to help the world. In a movie where most of the characters had both good and bad points, couldn't the writer and director have included something to that affect for the Catholic church as a whole? At best, the writers were negligent. At worst, they were subtley malicious.

Final Judgement: -2

Treat this movie like it has leprosy (not the good kind). Even though the acting is really good, no actor can overcome a bad script ending. Even as I write this, I'm thinking that it was almost worth watching because Javier Bardem's acting was so good. If he hadn't been in the movie, it would have been totally worthless. I wholeheartedly recommend that you watch something else, like ants running about on a windowsill. That would be more worth your time.

Psalm 1

(an original psalm)

Defend me, O Lord, with your right hand.
Let not my enemies slander me.
Let not their heels crush or spurn me.
Raise your powerful voice;
declare your word against them.
Let me not be put to shame,
for unjust words fester in my soul.
Speak to them the truth of their trespasses;
and forgive when they humble themselves.
Lift your scepter;
let me speak.
Forgive me, O Lord, for my attitudes.
Open my ears to hear your voice once more.

Hanna sleeptalks, etc.

Worse than that, she actually acts exactly as if she's awake.

Last night, when I went to our bedroom, she was very asleep. Until I bumped the bed. Then she looked at me with surprisingly awake eyes and asked me if I was going to bed. In a bit, I said.

About 45 minutes later, I laid down in bed. She popped awake, sat up, and leaned over and kissed me - while looking wide awake.

Then I read a book for 30 minutes. Hanna rolled over and the light disturbed her. She opened her eyes, grabbed the front portion of my book, and bonked me in the nose with it. I said, Weirdo. Then she leaned over and stared hard at the cover of the book to see what I was reading. She already knew that.

All this happened. Yet when I questioned her about it this morning, she had no recollection of any of it. Silly person.

What I've Needed From My Dad.

For those of you who don't know, I am currently ostracized from my family. That may not be the correct word, given that it's kind of self-initiated. My dad would definitely argue that he and mom are open anytime to some kind of restitution. Of course, this is silly, because they want ME to come to THEM.

The truth is that they leveled a judgement against me, then spent 8 months trying to guilt trip me into accepting their wrong perspective. They also tried to use guilt as the coating to make me swallow the bitter pill of their rejection without fighting back. Fat chance. I'm not to blame here, I didn't start it, and I cannot just let their shameful false accusations stand without defending myself.

I have two choices:

1. I could accept dealing with my family and allowing them to feel they are justified to "confront" me on issues which are none of their business, while allowing them, in order to manufacture evidence for their case, to belittle my contributions to the family.

2. I could accept that they will never recognize any validity in my counter-arguments. I have to live with knowing that they have treated me unjustly and yet still blame me for our schism.

I've lived unhappily under Choice 1 for many years. I got tired of it, so I've moved on to Choice 2. Unfortunately, this means that anything but a distant relationship with them is impossible. Their motive is suspect. I cannot trust their words. It seems that, to them, blaming me is in their best interest.

Fine...whatever...but I cannot live around people who view me as they do. It's bad for my digestion.

What I've always needed from my dad since he dumped his load of crap in my lawn is for him to want to clean it up and show me he is working hard for my best interest as well as the family's. I will not be their scapegoat - their sacrificial lamb - any longer. Their problems are their own. When they become hungry for another victim, let them eat themselves for once.

Viva la ME!

Movie Review: Down With Love

Gains: +6
I have a fondness for good inuendo, and this movie was dripping with it. Every scene either built tension between the main characters or focused on inuendo or both. The acting was robust. Both Ewan McGregor and Renee Zellweger can pull off complicated roles. They even sing several duets for the soundtrack. The side characters had depth and personality. David Hyde Pierce was fantastic. The writing was tight and the dialogue was crisp. Not a word seemed wasted. The plot woos viewers with a mix of tension and humor. Since there are no real antagonists, the plot walks a tightrope between making Ewan's character likeable and detestable. I found myself rooting for him at times and against him at others.

Losses: -2
There is a major shift in the plot at one point. It was awkward. To cover it, Renee gives a extended uncut monologue (camera is on her for 1 or 2 minutes) without a break, which is funny in the way downshifting a car too early is funny. The engine grind sets your teeth on edge and you feel a nervous tingle in your spine. Also, the ending was not as amazing as the rest of the movie. I think the writing was so good that they wrote themselves into too tough a corner to wrap up neatly.

Final Judgement: +4

My thanks to Amber and Donald for stopping my trend of bad movies. I loved this movie. I'm not sure if it has rewatchability, but I'd be willing to try it again in half a year. If you're sensitive to sexual inuendo and find it more uncomfortable than funny, don't watch this movie and don't trust my judgement on it.

x4 modifier on Chance to Scare

It's a known fact that girls scare easy. Add to that the fact that Hosack girls are a little high strung and in their own worlds. Now add a closed room and a loud Gilmore Girls episode. It was a perfect storm.

I walked up to our study door, place my hand gently on the knob, and threw it open, while shouting, "What's going on here?"

You can imagine it; I call it total success. The looks and squeals were priceless.

Then, for good measure, I poured a little water on Joy's head, so she wouldn't be as homesick for Songkran. (By that time, Hanna and I already had our own water fight.)

God loves dogs

The age-old arguments about cats and dogs came into some kind of focus in my mind the other day. You see, I've been thinking dangerous thoughts about the Tree of Life and the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. That led me to thinking about obedience to God.

I've been pondering this question: Is obedience stupid?

I've lived with dogs and a cat. Dogs do untold amounts of stupid tricks out of love for their owner (and of course a reward in the form of a snack). If trained properly, they obey. They can learn to do amazing feats. Eventually they learn to obey even without a treat; they obey by instinct.

Cats live their own lives. They do what they want. They too are capable of doing amazing feats, but they do it on their own for self reasons.

Many people hate dogs because, they say, dogs are stupid and cats are independent. Many other people love dogs because dogs are show more desire for your affection than cats do. (Of course, there are exceptions to these stereotypes. We are not addressing those exceptions here.)

So this leads me to think that God loves people who behave more like dogs. He would have preferred nobody would gain the knowledge of good and evil and become so painfully and awkwardly aware of their self-ness. He would have preferred, and still does prefer, less knowledgeable people responding in obedience. Of course, obedience could also lead to great feats and possibly great knowledge as well, just of a different sort - a sort that might seem silly or stupid to those of us who have lived since the Fall.

Movie Review: Becoming Jane

Gains: 0 points
Nothing stands out.

Losses: 1 point
I really wanted to enjoy two of my favorite actors - Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy - but I found them to be quite boring. I blame that on the script. It was dull and beyond predictable.

Final Judgement: -1

I have a hard time describing how I feel about this movie. By the end, I was ready to go anywhere and do anything else. My expectations were pretty high from the previews I saw. I think the movie wanted to have the depth of a Jane Austin novel, but in the attempt to mimic, it actually lost its charm.

On a weird note, Hanna actually enjoyed the movie. I can think of only one other movie that I didn't like but she loved: Mona Lisa Smile. So if you liked that movie, you might like this one.

Grumpiness

I don't know why, but starting Monday around noon, I became horribly, antisocially grumpy. I'm doing my best to cope. If even the slightest thing goes wrong for me, my inner grump takes over, starts to pout or rant, and basically throws a tantrum. I am doing a pretty good job keeping it interalized at this point, especially when I want to throw things (physical things, not tantrums).

A good life

I continue to be amazed by all the awesome things in my life. In fact, I have so much free time and many enjoyable activities to fill it with, that I don't even really have time to do everything I enjoy.

I'm breaking it down, which is a favorite mental, statistical exercise of mine, into 5 primary activity categories: spiritual, physical, and relational activities are the main ones. Then I have mental activities like reading and writing. Then I have gaming activities--especially video games.

Each of these categories has many subcategories. My time is limited, especially when I add sleep and work to the mix. So my goal has become how to combine different primary activities. So my video gaming "small group" at church takes care of 3, as does my Ping Pong-ing. Playing disc golf takes care of 2. Walking my dog takes care of 2.

I'm stuck with so many great things in life--pity me.

My Default Personhood Scale

I have recently discovered something about myself. I've discovered that, generally, my default belief is that everyone has specific motives when dealing with other people -- specifically of fair play, communication, and intelligent self-interest. I'm sure I'm forgetting some, but we'll just deal with these for the moment.

You can see already there is a problem. Communication is more of a tool. Fair play is more of a social grace. And intelligent self-interest is a "self" goal. So, I'm comparing and contrasting very different things. But they are strongly related in my mind. So if you are confused at any point, please ask, and I will try to explain.

Let's define the terms in terms of how I term the terms. Fair play means "equitable or impartial treatment", but for me it also has a chivalrous undertone marked by honor, fairness, generosity, and kindliness. Communication refers to every form of communication: verbal, physical, emotional, tonal, and word choice. Self-interest refers to the ability of someone to see what they want and do whatever it takes to get it: a form of selfishness. This is not what I mean. I add the word "intelligent" to "self-interest" to refer specifically to the ability to select the good things in life and do whatever it takes to get those. (For instance, someone who wants unmarital sex could make plans to obtain that goal; but that someone may also desire to get into heaven, a path which, when walked, doesn't lead to infidelity or degredation of the body.) Intelligent self-interest refers to proper goal selection, then doing whatever it takes to reach those goals.

You have probably already noted that many times these aspects are mutually exclusive or completely parallel or entirely unrelated to each other. Sometimes communication is overrulled by intelligent self-interest. Sometimes fair play requires you to be too honest. Sometimes you have to give up your self-interest in order to be fair, or to maintian intelligent self-interest you have to sacrifice fairness and communication. I see it as a circle graph, with each aspect touching and influencing the others to some degree.

When I first meet you, I label you according to which of the above three rules you use in your dealings with people. When I add Time to these ingredients, I begin to see what level of importance you place on each of these three pegs. This tells me a lot about your "personhood".

Generally, this is the measure I use to understand someone, and from there to build my respect or distrust for someone's motives. I will deal with motive on my next post.

Movie Review: The Butterfly Effect

I will begin to review movies which I have recently seen, and perhaps you will get to know me a bit better. My rating system is entirely my own. All movie scores begin at 0 points (being neutral) before gains and losses are factored in. I'm going for as close to 0 as I feel I can, to keep the scoring more syncronized

Gains: 2 points
The Butterfly Effect has a fascinating plot, with pretty good acting. I can say that I enjoy watching Ashton Kutcher in anything. Amy Smart is also very good. The pacing and script were also worthy of mention.

Losses: 5 points
The writing, while it reaches my overall expectations, has way too much negative content. Cursing was overabundant (I get the point, now can you spare my ears?). Random nudity occurs in a couple places. Several times there was ample opportunity but it was avoided; however other times, the viewer receives a quick flash. Too much violence was shown. In a dark movie, you can gain points for tastefulness. I like dark movies that have good sense in what they show and what they merely imply. They did not do enough to censor themselves. Also, the movie felt downright malicious in its graphic nature -- even spiritually evil by the end. It was kind of disturbing.

Final Judgement: -3

Did the producers get what they wanted out of the movie? I think so. Did the dark elements contribute to the storyline? Yes, they did. The problem was that there was so much evilness and no redeeming qualities. Even the hero has to be evil to get a good resolution. They could have toned the "rawness" of the movie down a bit to make their movie more palpable to a larger audience. The movie was a blockbuster idea wrapped in filth. If they had cleaned it up a bit, I think it could have been awesome.

Final steps

Well, I've finally deleted my father from my Xbox Live Friends List. Contrary to how it may appear, this step is a huge one. This hails back to a long time ago, when I first got online to play my favorite video game over the Internet. I told my dad at that time that it would be a great way to spend some quality time if he joined up. (He was already considering the idea.) Well, to make a long story much shorter, he said we would have to discuss the meaning of quality time.

Then, as they say, everything came tumbling down. My dad tinkered with the bottom of the Jenga tower we had built over the last 8 years (to be further outlined in a later post), and the whole tower fell. It seemed to take forever, endless scenes of slow motion falling, like in the Return of the King when the ring is destroyed and Sauron's castle is shattered, in annoyingly slow motion.

During this time of slow motion destruction, he went ahead and bought an Xbox 360 and called to share the news. With dismay, I considered the ramifications. He finally broke down and bought something that could have helped bring us together even more, but he did it when we were falling apart. I also considered the option that my opinion mattered little to him. See, my sister got married. Her husband and his father and brother were both on Xbox Live, and these people also pestered my dad to join. In my reasoning, he apparently joined to play with them, not me; he and I were barely speaking at that time. I wonder to this day if my dad understands how much this rankled. When it was my idea, we needed to have a discussion of terms; when it was someone else's idea and he and I were having problems, he went ahead and joined up.

So, anyway, I added him to my Friends List, where I could see when he was on and what he was playing and who he was playing with. I had no intention of playing with him while we were at odds. But I assumed that some day, things would be better. Instead, they continued in like manner, and I did not witness the evolution needed for us to reconcile.

The Xbox Live nettle drove deeper and deeper with the passage of time, until one day I decided that he may have ruined many of our important relationship building activities, but I could not let him ruin my Xbox Live experience. It had been mine alone before. It would be mine alone again. I had taken the steps of deleting all the destructive words he sent to me; one last thing remained. If seeing his name on my Friends List served only to remind me of the family I lost, then what was the point. I'm not masochistic; I take no pleasure in being abused or dominated; I have no taste for suffering. So I deleted him.

Time will heal my wounds, unless I stuff them full of bitterness. So in the name of freedom and healing, I erased the last and simplest of vestiges, not out of feelings of anger or frustration or vengeance but out of a need to let go of those feelings and cast off the sins (of my own personal thoughts and emotions) that so easily entangle. I feel more clean and ready to move on than I have for 8 years.